New song I started to write let me know how they are

I only wanted my life
So give me your life
You blamed me for it all
But* you let me go away.

You threw it all in my face
Trying to save your life
But you knew you couldn't
With out me.

Now the time has come
Save me from what you become
Save me from what is coming
You never knew it would end like this.




Thanks for reading comment please

Interesting lyrics, I like them. I have one or two suggestions, drop the "life" in the 2nd line and just make it "yours". I don't know how the song goes melodically (obviously), so maybe that wouldn't work in context with the music. But lyrically, I feel like most times you don't want to rhyme the same word two lines in a row, in most cases. I'm no expert in writing lyrics, just my opinion. Might also want to make it "you've" instead of "you" become. Would be interested to hear the music that goes with this.

Originally Posted by schism206

Interesting lyrics, I like them. I have one or two suggestions, drop the "life" in the 2nd line and just make it "yours". I don't know how the song goes melodically (obviously), so maybe that wouldn't work in context with the music. But lyrically, I feel like most times you don't want to rhyme the same word two lines in a row, in most cases. I'm no expert in writing lyrics, just my opinion. Might also want to make it "you've" instead of "you" become. Would be interested to hear the music that goes with this.

Ya man I am the lead and rythem guitarist and backing vocals. We are a nu-metal band. That is why we kinda dont rhyme

But ya man ill finish with the changes and my band will finish.

I'm all for not rhyming, in fact I think it makes things more interesting if you can make lyrics flow without rhyming every single line. I just think it sounds a bit odd rhyming the same word was all I was saying. But there are instances where I think it works, depends a lot on the melody and song structure. Good luck with the recording!