i like it sounds good. keep it up

Thank you Matt and Rickey Joe,I appreciate it more than you'll ever know!

Cold to the bone, escape from the certain grave. Unintentionally being a gravedigger and stepping in yourself:
some of my friends submerged, Doug and I feel unendlessly shattered by this
The scariest of all being the fact that this could have happened to any of us: started as a joke, ended with a kill.
Here we are our own enemies, Doug, a moment you realize that standing up without friends is hard to do, Flower Bro!
Another clump of honesty in a few days time, it's almost too much.....

Doug,

I remember this one!! I heard the song as well...very catchy...besides the inference to smoking heroin- this could easily be a Dr.Seuss book!! I happen to be a big fan of his work...as is my son...in fact, we own every single book he's ever written (we're big readers here, big surprise, huh?)

Children's books would be a good avenue for you to explore...Dr.Seuss is a perfect example, his signature was his famous tongue twisters! You have the ability to make catchy and humorous rhymes....

There's a book that's part of a series...it's called "If you give a Mouse a cookie..." It's hysterical (especially if you appreciate the bi polar personality of a 2 or 3 year old!!) It reminds me of your style...at least your 2001 style...just food for thought!

Jessie

Originally Posted by smoothtung

Real cool piece here Doug I'm glad you told me about this. This ones hard I don't see much of anything at all I can offer to help (as usual with your scriptures) just one word things, I'll give it a shot. Feel free to ignore these as they're not much;

"In the days of old
Or so they say
To prove you were worthy
A Dragon you'd slay
But,other than movies
Cartoons and such
Finding a Dragon
Your chances....... *weren't* much."
(my reasoning is simply that this is the last line of a verse that takes place in the past you know? So the word 'weren't' fits that theme I think)

"now as ironic,
As this may sound
Chasing the Dragon
Can now be found
Pretty girls,friends
And parties *renowned*
Chasing the Dragon
Was all around"
(the way you wrote it sounded great, just adding my touch really. Sort of felt that 'abound' and 'around' we're too similar in vowel sounds)

Aha that's litteraly all I have. This is a great job. I love the last two stanzas and especially the last six lines. Perfect man.
- Nicholas

Nicholas-

That's great feedback...constructive...I like it

Jessie

Good stuff Doug. Flows well with a good cadence and well written. I think if this is a song you could use a repeated catchy chorus at least twice. This is some of the best flowing rhymes I've seen you post (Then again, I've been away for a spell). Nice work dude!!

Originally Posted by LooknGlass

Good stuff Doug. Flows well with a good cadence and well written. I think if this is a song you could use a repeated catchy chorus at least twice. This is some of the best flowing rhymes I've seen you post (Then again, I've been away for a spell). Nice work dude!!

Yeah,I've got a chorus,just didn't post it.I figure if it's stolen,they can write their own!Seriously,this is one of my favoerite's.I wrote it years agobut I've always loved this song.If I could sing it for you,in the Calypso beat I wrote it,you'd like it even more!

"I didn't slay a Dragon
Just got a good look
Couldn't resist
Went back,got hooked"

I feel like this is relatable to so many things. Awesome job!

Up for second look...............

LOVED IT WHEN I READ IT IN 2001 and I love it reading again today...I actually heard you put this song to music...breath-taking...2001-2002- your heart and soul were in your writing. I see this as a pinnacle point in your songwriting days...it's the highlight of all your songs....and honey, we both know, that I have chased the dragon for a good decade, lol...and you were my partner in crime for quite some time,
xoxo
Jessie