New comer to the site. Hoping you guys would have some constructive criticism reviews

The sky is breaking up
Whiskey kisses from an old vintage cup
A buckled floor which no one dances on*
Come now come sing with me*
We can sing about this old and withered weak oak tree

Who would plant such a troubled seed
Which grew so small giving no air to breathe
*
My mother always said I have nothing tangible to gain
Like a broken glass spilling out all it's sweet champagne*
down *to this river where dreams don't flow
This is all I know
These shoken *hands can't bear to hold
all of the bright and heavy shimmering gold

I can feel it coming soon*
Oh it's coming to
There's a break in my back this old engine is starting to crack
The oil leaks and the frame starts to rust
Come close this door before we turn to dust

I'm running now and the walls are caving in*
tunnel vision in a room that's dim

I've been tending to my wounds with the sharpest knife
I don't know a delicate touch
Like that lonely man who only seeks for lust*

And it should all be broken *soon*
They said to meet here by noon
Where the preacher prays and the Devil sways you can find me here where no man lays*

This one had me from the second line. Really nice writing; I can't get a sense of "song" but the lines themselves are great!

Not a word of "constructive criticism" from me. A personal creation is just that.

Originally Posted by MoonRide*r*

This one had me from the second line. Really nice writing; I can't get a sense of "song" but the lines themselves are great!

Not a word of "constructive criticism" from me. A personal creation is just that.

.


I really appreciate that. Sometimes I don't right in a lyrical sense for the main fact that it has limits. I should be posting more soon!

Yeah I agree about limits, but I'm sure this has some very good possibilities for putting it to music.
There's also a poetry section, but this Lyrics Review section may get more reads.

Looking forward to more

Jut32169: You really have a way with words. Very poetic, and I like your writing style. Like Moon, I can also hear this as a song.

What do the*****represent?

I'm not sure what those are?? Lol

Good Answer!I'll have to remember that when someone asks me something!

I'm sorry lol. I wrote this on my phone. If I knew the answer I would surely give it you.

I wasn't beig sarcastic.I was serious!If you're not sure what they are,at least you were honest about it.That's what I was referring to.

I also was being sarcastic! No worries my friend.

Was or wasn't?

Wasn't. My mistake!