Hey just trying to get my writing out there'!

Thread: Hey just trying to get my writing out there'!

Tags: None
  1. Jut32169 said:

    Default Hey just trying to get my writing out there'!

    I think it's time to lay this down
    I'll start with my disgust for the people in this town
    So please don't think I'm just another fool
    I'll have you figured out
    There's no doubt, what I think about
    In my mind your just another
    Spare yourself before you slip right under

    Take back every lie*
    About how you hunk I'm a genuine guy
    When you can't even bare to look yourself in the mirror
    Your red eyes, they are possessed*
    And the beating heart inside my chest
    Is not some novelty to play
    And forget about when your with him the very next day

    A spitting image of everything I fear*
    Is laced inside your skin
    It's pale white and fragile just like porcelain*
    For I'll always stay on top of this shelf
    While you fall to the floor
    Your just about as fake as the mannequin outside the door
    Plastic hands that move to the beat of unworthy lust
    I could blow you away easier then that dust
    That fills this empty room
    I will laugh at everything you've become

    I think it's my time to look around
    I'll start with what happened when I found
    The pieces of what you forgot to pick up
    When you decided to try and be abrupt
    I'll have this torn apart
    You disgust me like it's an art

    A spitting image of everything I fear*
    Is laced inside your skin
    It's pale white and fragile just like porcelain*
    For I'll always stay on top of this shelf
    While you fall to the floor
    Your just about as fake as the mannequin outside the door
    Plastic hands that move to the beat of unworthy lust
    I could blow you away easier then that dust
    That fills this empty room
    I will laugh at everything you've become

    I will never get you
    And I'm starting to regret that I even tried
    Thinking I could change you from the inside
    Do you run off of empty bottles of your own disgust?
    Drinking away all of what you can't trust
    My faith for you has already been discussed*
    Save it for someone else
     
  2. Doug Denslowe's Avatar

    Doug Denslowe said:

    Default

    Great rhymes.Only thing I'd suggest,is try to put commas in the verses,to make the rhythm easier to understand!!!<Got it??
    It seems almost everybody(me included) write nothing but heartbreak on this site.I know there are exceptions(Showdow Heat)but there is a lot of people who were or are in pain.Good work,you're a contender!Love those *****
    Last edited by Doug Denslowe; 07-27-2012 at 01:21 PM. Reason: ****** Comment
     

loading