CHORUS– My mistake,
now our friendship is at stake,
you’re breaking off the ties,
coz you can’t live with my face in your eyes.

She said you had stopped caring,
and she needed a shoulder,
until I held her,
that’s when I needed her too,
our first kiss was behind your back,
I was giving her things she lacked
that’s what I believed,
until you caught us red handed,

CHORUS–
Her tears fell in my heart,
her pain came to my head,
I only wanted to give her my hand,
then her lips touched mine,
and I fell to the ground,
and my world turned round,
and our friendship went down hard,
Chorus-

I put a knife at your back,
I know you still ache,
wish I could mend this,
but the past I cannot amend,
she was your girl,
and you were not over till I stepped in,

chorus

Love the rhymes in the First Chorus,the rest is good,but doesn't have the same impact.When you started so strong,I thought this was going to be a great song.It's good,now try to match the power of the first Chorus.(or not)

Originally Posted by TIAMI

CHORUS– My mistake,
now our friendship is at stake,
you’re breaking off the ties,
coz you can’t live with my face in your eyes.

She said you had stopped caring,
and she needed a shoulder,
until I held her,
that’s when I needed her too,
our first kiss was behind your back,
I was giving her things she lacked
that’s what I believed,
until you caught us red handed,

CHORUS–
Her tears fell in my heart,
her pain came to my head,
I only wanted to give her my hand,
then her lips touched mine,
and I fell to the ground,
and my world turned round,
and our friendship went down hard,
Chorus-

I put a knife at your back,
I know you still ache,
wish I could mend this,
but the past I cannot amend,
she was your girl,
and you were not over till I stepped in,

chorus

Well, it looks like you've got twenty-five lines.

Are you certain about the meter and shape of your message? It almost sounds to me like you have produced four distinct verses and two interchangeable choruses, but there may be some slicing and dicing ahead and it almost feels like you could moves certain parts of one paragraph to another and perhaps amplify your statement's essence thereby. I definitely enjoyed reading what you wrote. It loaned me interesting forms by implication.