Should I finish? Feedback and criticism!


With shattered dreams outspoken and a home unknown
Try to mend savage gashes actions I won't atone
Blown blunts for days at a time in each session
*****s crack under question an expressed confession

Antagonized by thoughts in constant succession
Brutalized in discretion my hearts in sections
From lost love my affections becomes infected
Cross my values and see a pentagram connected

Projection. World succumbs to evil without loves presence
So upset that bullets will further become my anti-depressants
Poor peasants, living solely on a quest to just stay alive
Evil thoughts bested heaven the devil and I can coincide

Always finish every scripture that you start, struggling through writers block IS what makes you good.

Agreed man, thanks!

Oh and good flow on the first bar, the sylobal counts per line coincide real well

You pretty much haven't even started it yet. Grab a chorus/hook and some bars, then figure it out. its not best to just start off of one little bit. think about what you can put with it that leads on. usually if i only have a little bit like that i store it away until i go back to it again later, i find that if i am introduced to something new or something that i haven't seen in a while i will be more likely to think about it in a more broad manor, versus something you try too hard to work on or something that is constantly present.

Good stuff, definitely continue it. Excellent flow and content, nice phrasing and vocab.
man, those four lines have got almost 10,000 views.

Originally Posted by _SBU

Good stuff, definitely continue it. Excellent flow and content, nice phrasing and vocab.
man, those four lines have got almost 10,000 views.

That just blew my mind dude.. 10,000! Ha. Thanks man, I'm gonna write to this to get warmed up, then I'll head over to the battle thread and try to get back at you ha. Thanks guys!
(First post edited for more lyrics)