Living Failure

Listen to the tale I’m about to tell
As I spit these bars of a personal hell,
Feelin’ depression like psych sessions
Be messin up my brain, cells in prison
Feels like I’m missin’ this bravado of life,
Feels more like some unfortunate strife,
This **** just flows across the page of life as I read
Just a depressed state of emergency need,
I can’t wrap my head around the sound
Of the failure of my life, feels like I’m frowned
Upon by those that know me,
And those that blow me
Hateful remarks, ****, I’m used to being hated
By those that don’t even know my personal foundation
Maybe I should just rev up this nitrogen fixation
Get high as **** and forget this station,
They laugh at every single joke I crack
They don’t understand my life’s mad whack,
I just wanted to fit in everyplace I made a stand
But **** always just gets out of hand,
Reprimanding myself for the choices I’ve made
My life’s really that low and I’m ****in afraid
To do anything about it,
****, how do so many of you live happy lives
What I’ve seen scares and deprives
Me from a normal zest,
I really don’t feel blessed
My story’s like an empty shell
Just a vast waste of bone cell
Material, So lonely and cold,
Feels like I’ve been down that street before
Wish I knew what I could do to even the score.

Not bad at all. You certainly have a way with words and you accurately describe a desperate state of mind. But I don't see clear structures like verses and choruses. And there is so much negativity that keeps piling up during the song, it makes you long for a glimmer of sunlight. It all depends on the music to make the song work. I'm thinking of a song by The The: I've Been Waiting For Tomorrow All Of My Life. Or Mental Hell by The Ramones. There is a certain lightness in the music that compensates for the darkness in the lyrics. For me the song wouldn't work with metal guitars or an industrial soundscape. But that's just a matter of opinion (and personal taste).

Verses and choruses, Peter, are not necessarily there if it's seen as a RAP;
I don't know though, how the writer of this song sees it.
Colourful words of a world that surrounds you and is no good.
I am waiting for a comment on what kind of beat and music is meant for this!

Yes, that is true. But even in a rap context I feel the song could use a break or a hookline. Otherwise it will be such a long stretch of words. Of course it will be all up to the Wolfman....

It's typical for rap to go on without taking a breathing pause. I find it enervating. It's not really what I like. I rather go for choruses and bridges