Once she was a happy girl
Once she used to smile when she walked home
Once her eyes were bright and full of life
Now those days are gone
Her thoughts turned dark
And the look in her eyes, oh her sad eyes
The joy disappeared and so did love.
One day he walked up to her and told her goodbye
Everything she ever had is lost, gone now.
Forever and always.

It's not the best, i'm starting to write stuff now so i'm not really advanced and i'm dutch so my grammar is not the best either.
Hope you guys like it and please give me some feedback and tell me what you think.

Btw It's more of a poem/story still, i'm gonna make a song of it later

I think you should post this on the Poetry Site.It reads like a poem,as is.Check out the group "Songs in Progress"that also is a place you may like and ask for help or whatever you may want to inquire about.Amaryn is a very helpful and talented writer,just ask away!

Hi. I like the story. If you wanna make it a song,you light wanna split into verses and choures... Looking forward to the next steps! By the way Welcome here,I'm farley new myself...it's a great place to get feedback! Welcome and good luck!!!

i can see it been a start of a song, sort of a bit like old paramore style which cant be a bad thing good effort i hope you finish it has some potential

Thanks for your feedback. I'll try and make a song of it and i'll post it later i'm happy that you like it, i thought it would be terrible :P so thanks