Untitled (Metal)

umm havent bothered to think up a title so ill take suggestions if you wanna help.
as for the song its a metalcore/ hardcore type deal so it will be screamed throughout and maybe some backing clean vocals. other then that here it is.

Breathe deep,
Release your breath,
Let it linger in the cold air,
A breath the signifies your existance,
A fleeting haze of life.

As it dissapears into the wind,
Traceless,
and without warning,
It's short lived life is ironic,
how is represents how fragile our lives are.

Embrace the cold,
When it's all you got. < - - -this is like a chant/ breakdown part.
Hold on

Breathe deep,
Release yourself,
Let it linger in the ice cold air,
Enjoy the life you have,
Cause you never know,
When you'll take you last breath.


kk thanks a lot and i hope you enjoyed.
also this is my first time poasting here and i was just wondering if there was any rules about the number of posts you can make a week/day?
kk thanks a lot.

Try not to scream it and

1) your lyrics will be a lot clearer and understood - try to sing/growl them instead (listen to Biohazard or Agnostic Front)

2) you won't seem like those other screamo chancers making out they're hardcore when they're just pi**ed off at their parents

This structure makes it a bit better:


Breathe deep,
Release your breath,
Let it linger in the cold air,
A breath the signifies your existance,
A fleeting haze of life.

As it dissapears into the wind,
Traceless,
and without warning,
It's short lived life is ironic,
how is represents how fragile our lives are.

Breathe deep,
Release yourself,
Let it linger in the ice cold air,
Enjoy the life you have,
Cause you never know,
When you'll take you last breath.

Embrace the cold,
When it's all you got. < - - -this is like a chant/ breakdown part.
Hold on



Maybe have the Breathe deep bit after as a last refrain...