It's coming down

Thread: It's coming down

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  1. xMargoot said:

    Default It's coming down

    It’s not your choice to make
    It’s not something I would forsake

    But I can’t get through
    I simply can't stand up against you

    But I won’t let you take control of me
    I won’t let you do what you can’t see
    It doesn’t let me cold and you know it!
    It is your fault, your deceit

    Your fear is taking my life over
    You’re trying to find new ways to hurt me,
    To hurt and satisfy yourself!

    But now It’s coming down with us
    It’s coming down with us
    (Don’t take control of me)
    The trust, the fear, every thing you lied to me!
    Finally it’s coming down
    It’s coming down with you!

    I’ve been through this before
    You can’t reach me anymore!
    Last edited by xMargoot; 04-29-2008 at 12:41 PM.
     
  2. atmaestro's Avatar

    atmaestro said:

    Default

    I like the theme of someone standing up for themselves and making a difficult but correct choice.

    A couple of grammatical observations...

    The repeated use of the word "It" in different contexts left me confused as to what "It" is.
    I would suggest the use a descriptive noun wherever possible.

    I'm not sure what you meant by the phrase "coming down". Did you mean something like, "it's all crashing down" or "it's all over"?

    Also, the term "fear" appears to be out of context. Did you mean "intimidation" or “threats”?

    I didn't understand the phrase, "I doesn’t let me cold". Did you mean something like, "It doesn't make me cold"?
    Them that can, do; them that can't... memorize Artist and Title