Hate By Love [Comments Appreciated!]

Thread: Hate By Love [Comments Appreciated!]

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  1. Ninja TK said: 05-29-2008 09:30 PM

    Default Hate By Love [Comments Appreciated!]

    Hate by Love:

    I tried to tell you how I felt,
    But you wouldn’t look me in the eyes.
    To you I am nothing,
    and these moments away from you makes me die,
    on the inside.

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for more, (NEVER ASK FOR MORE)

    I tried to keep this in,
    But every time I’m near you walk away…
    It makes me sick inside,
    But my feelings for you will never stray..

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for more, (NEVER ASK FOR MORE)

    How could you?!
    I trusted you.
    I showed you my true feelings,
    But you just tore them apart like they had no meaning…
    For this I live my life,
    HATE BY LOVE.

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for more, (NEVER ASK FOR MORE)

    NEVER!!

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for more, (NEVER ASK FOR MORE)

    NEVER!!
     

  2. atmaestro's Avatar

    atmaestro said: 06-03-2008 04:24 PM

    Default

    The structure is OK but some of the rhymes are "forced". The subject matter is overdone but the tag line (Hate by Love) is unique. Also, while other similar poems try to show the love/hate conflict that often accompanies a romantic break-up, there appears to be schizophrenia than conflict. I'm was expecting the poem to show a transition or a "lesson learned" after the tag line.
    (like "I would HAVE never askED for more")
    Last edited by atmaestro; 06-04-2008 at 03:18 PM.
    Them that can, do; them that can't... memorize Artist and Title
     

  3. Krent_Calstro777's Avatar

    Krent_Calstro777 said: 06-04-2008 09:58 AM

    Default

    oh my god... that exactly what happen to me yesterday... I was feeling betrayed, the girl made me chase after her... but god... your song exactly describe how i feel.
    Damning Reficul: Song is like singing from the light whilst the emotions can be so raw from the darkness.
     

  4. Jester's Avatar

    Jester said: 06-07-2008 01:42 PM

    Default

    I tried to tell you how I felt,
    But you wouldn’t look me in the eyes.
    To you I am nothing,
    and these moments away from you kills me... on the inside.

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for…
    more, never ask for more…

    I tried to keep this in,
    But every time I’m near you walk away…
    It makes me sick inside,
    But my feelings for you will never… (stray)

    If I just had a chance,
    One chance to show her my love,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for…
    more, never ask for more…

    How could you?!
    I trusted you.
    showed my true feelings,
    But you just tore them apart
    For this I live my life,
    HATE BY LOVE.

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for…
    more, never ask for more…

    NEVER!!

    If I just had one chance,
    One chance to show her I love her,
    To show her the world,
    I would never ask for…
    more, never ask for more…

    NEVER!!
     

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