Help please!

Thread: Help please!

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  1. DeBaires's Avatar

    DeBaires said:

    Default Help please!

    Can someone let me know if this grammatically correct? Mersi mult!


    "Ultimul adio"

    Nu-i la fel fără tine
    Nu pot să văd nici o stea
    ştiu că nu mai te gāndeşti la mine
    Acum totul e pustiu īn viaţa mea

    Luna şi soarele, de tine, nu vorbesc,
    Pentru că ştiu că eşti totul că doresc
    Valuri din apa mă topesc,
    īn timp ce stelele mă privesc

    Fiecare zi mi-e greu,
    Fiindcă ştiu că nu mă iubeşti
    Nimic aici e al meu,
    Fiindcă ai luat to c-ai doreşti

    Nu pot să m-imaginez
    Un zori cānd nu eşti īn pat
    Dar vreau să crezi
    Că acest nu s-a terminat
     
  2. Lady_A said:

    Default

    Good work! But in order to correct it properly I should have known the original song, so I can compare. Without it, I have corrected the way I thought it sounded better in Romanian.

    Ultimul adio

    Nu-i la fel fără tine
    Nu pot să văd nici o stea
    ştiu că nu te mai gāndeşti la mine
    Acum totul e pustiu īn viaţa mea

    Luna şi soarele, de tine, nu vorbesc,
    Pentru că ştiu că eşti tot ce doresc
    Valuri de apa mă topesc,
    īn timp ce stelele mă privesc

    Īn fiecare zi mi-e greu,
    Fiindcă ştiu că nu mă iubeşti
    Nimic aici nu e al meu,
    Fiindcă ai luat tot ce-ţi doreşti

    Nu pot să-mi imaginez
    Īn zori cānd nu eşti īn pat
    Dar vreau să crezi
    Că nu s-a terminat.
     
  3. DeBaires's Avatar

    DeBaires said:

    Default

    It's actually not from a song, I wrote it. I thought I had many more mistakes...yay!
     
  4. dya said:

    Thumbs up Bravo!!

    WOW!!!

    I'm really impressed! GOOD work!

    If you managed to write poetry() in Romanian.... what else can I say..? Congratulations!!
     
  5. DeBaires's Avatar

    DeBaires said:

    Default

    Haha, thanks. I thought I'd give it a try.

    I'm just glad that the only mistakes I made (basically) were using the wrong reflexives or placing words & contractions incorrectly.
     
  6. dya said:

    Default

    You've made very few and unimportant mistakes if you consider the whole picture of writing poetry in Romanian (excuse for repeating myself but I'm still very much impressed! )
     
  7. DeBaires's Avatar

    DeBaires said:

    Default

    Haha, thanks so much.

    Aside from the fact that it's written in Romanian, what do you think of it overall?
     
  8. dya said:

    Default

    I think it's very nice and sweet
     
  9. Lady_A said:

    Default

    As well as dya, I am very much impressed with your poem! Congratulations!
     
  10. DeBaires's Avatar

    DeBaires said:

    Default

    Haha, thanks!