I can only Dream: PLEASE REVIEW

Thread: I can only Dream: PLEASE REVIEW

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  1. x_kissedbyanangel_x's Avatar

    x_kissedbyanangel_x said:

    Red face I can only Dream: PLEASE REVIEW

    this is one of the first songs i wrote. Hope you like it!

    I Can Only Dream

    Here comes life again with his pistol
    And he’s ready to shoot her down
    Maybe it’s the best for us all
    We won't have to deal with her mistakes.

    Words like bruises she was used to
    But now she’s bleeding and can’t stop
    Another sleepless night she’s wondering
    Is it true? Is love not real?

    Chorus:
    I can see a world of laughter
    Where no one has to cry
    I can feel the warmth of sunshine
    And the love I never had
    So close I could reach for it
    But the shadows pull me back
    So I can only dream
    Of this world in fantasies

    She’s letting go, she’s fading gradually
    Will you be there before she’s gone?
    Teardrops clutch remains of fleeting dreams
    That you could hear her when she screams

    And chase away the fears that darkness hides,
    Drown her in your pool of light,
    Be the one to save her from the night
    But it’s too late for that all

    Chorus
    Ending:
    I can see a world of laughter
    Where no one has to cry
    I can feel the warmth of sunshine
    And the love I never had
    Maybe someday this will be reality
    Last edited by x_kissedbyanangel_x; 07-10-2009 at 06:17 PM.
     
  2. Rabbitdrive said:

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    Enticing.

    I like it.
     
  3. x_kissedbyanangel_x's Avatar

    x_kissedbyanangel_x said:

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    Thank you
     
  4. AloneAndTired's Avatar

    AloneAndTired said:

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    When I read these I think of Flyleaf; for some reason I could imagine this being one of their songs. Sorry if you hate Flyleaf but I mean it nicely lol
    I think you've got some good lyrics there. I like the images and the vocabulary. It's also not a depressing thing to read because you've shown the hope in it, which is great!
     
  5. x_kissedbyanangel_x's Avatar

    x_kissedbyanangel_x said:

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    thanks Is there anything I need to do to improve?
     
  6. AloneAndTired's Avatar

    AloneAndTired said:

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    um... I'm not saying to change it or anything but I was a bit unsure about what you meant when you were saying "maybe it's best for us all" when I read it over again there. Now, don't get me wrong, it is late and I haven't slept right in a week so it could be just me lol
    I wouldn't really change too much about these lyrics; they're good as they are.
     
  7. x_kissedbyanangel_x's Avatar

    x_kissedbyanangel_x said:

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    oh ok
     

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