Bloodsucker

You seemed nice
I acted nice
it`s no suprise
we got along
you made me strong
and the night long
it felt so right
what used to be wrong

For new and better times
you where the mark
resist the sweetest lips
or kiss the dark
the finest chemistry
gave perfect harmony
i wanted everyone to see
the new and better me



But it seems like you lied
seems like what you said was wrong
why did you walk away
and let the fight go on
you told me everything i wanted to hear
all the time you where there,still never near



Oh my god what have i done?
i ****ed it up beyond the point of no return
its all to late when i finally can se
why the mirror no longer give any reflection of me


Bloodsucker....

You know what they say about a bloodsucker...

It's an awesome song, but the ryhming in the first verse is a bit much.

It's OK at best... I'd make the verses scan before submitting it properly.

This has the potential to be good however I feel it needs more work putting into it and more substance. The first verse doesn't really fit and there's too much rhyming in it, however it does get better as it goes on which is a good sign!

I think you have a good thing going here. The first verse is the biggest thing. The rhyme scheme is a little too repetitive, but that's easily fixable. Minor changes to the rhyming will get it to flow a lot easier. Aside from that, it's not that bad. Everyone has a little trouble every now and then with the same things, so hold your head up keep pushing forward!