Tonight HELP! HAHAAA :)

Just a song i wrote the other day for the ukelele. This includes the guitar part for all you budding guitarists/ukelele players

Tonight
Capo 6th Fret (Standard ukulele tuning)
Intro (pick): D A7 x2 then (strum) D A7 x2
Verse 1:

D A Em G
I, am watching them, thinking can I find someone to
D A Em G
Love, then I saw you girl, and you took my breath away from me
D A Em G
You, with your bright blue eyes, and your golden hair, so I wonder

Chorus:
D
Tonight,
A Em
Will you be mine, by the riverside,
G
And I’m thinking of you,
D
Tonight,
A Em
Will you be mine, by the riverside,
G D
And I’m thinking of you, tonight

D, A, Em, G

Verse 2:

D A Em G
We, sat hand in hand, on the picnic rug, and I said,
D A Em G
Hey, now wouldn’t you like, to be with me, forever and ever, and she said,
D A Em G
Yes, till death do us part, so I looked in her eyes and I said, I love you,

Chorus:
D
Tonight,
A Em
Will you be mine, by the riverside,

G
And I’m thinking of you,
D
Tonight,
A Em
Will you be mine, by the riverside,
G D
And I’m thinking of you, tonight

D, A, Em, G

Fill:
Bm C A
And, I love you more and more each day...........and

Chorus (single strum):
D
Tonight,
A Em
Will you be mine, by the riverside,
G
And I’m thinking of you,

(strum)
D
Tonight,
A Em
Will you be mine, by the riverside,
G
And I’m thinking of you,

(Intro strum: D, A7)
Tonight


Be honest, i can take constructive criticism :P
Cheeers, Tom
x

hmmmm, ok to be honest it sounds a little cheesy 'will you be mine by the riverside' and it's a bit repetative. Also, i'm not sure about the bit where she says 'Yes, till death do us part', cuz i doubt she really said that, it sounds like something you'd say in a costume drama....

Hey man, I wouldn't worry too much about the criticism from someone that says retarded things like "I've never been there, but it's my hometown and it's where my heart is". How would someone know what the woman said to you...? Keep writing man, you're doing fine.

all i can think of is maybe extend your lyrics abit but they have a decent flow. How long you been writing btw?

ok don't listen to me, but btw, I wrote 'Unbreakable' for The Beach Girl5. Google them.

good song mate keep it up
have look at mine
http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/ly...nt-please.html tell me what u think of my new song.