Dying From Love

Rain. Now the rain
a torrent of gloom
dropping its weight
like a dark fallen moon

Pain. God the pain
sucking life out of me
Struggling to breathe
So dark I can't see

Alone cause you're gone
Can't even say why
Aching, heart breaking
Just roll up and cry

Smiles for a while
We were flying on love
Illusion? Confusion
I just wasn't enough

Fade while you played
I struggled for air
Heart came apart
Now I die in despair

Lost. Paid the cost
Just look at my name
It's me to a T
Without you it's insane

Dying. Keep trying
not to lose all control
Lifeless. An ice press
is freezing my soul.

Bump. Edited a little bit.

I like it, it's just the second line doesn't seem to really flow like the rest of them do. but other than that, good job.

Thanks!! This is a great compliment coming from you, because I just read your 'Untitled' post. Smooth and sleek, it really rolls.

I've rewritten the second line 3-4 times. I just can't seem to get it right.

maybe take out the word gray, because gloom and gray are basically the same thing, that would help it out a bit.

finally came back to this and made a few changes...
thanks again for the suggestion gus.

I really like this a lot it's very similar to my style or part of my style since I have a really wide variety of work. Favorite line in this is "Illusion? Confusion" I love that, and I think I've used something similar to it before its a great line. Check out some more of my stuff I think you will like it because a lot of my stuff seems to be similar to your style.

Yes,I can't resist liking a Lyric that rhymes.And yes,like Johnb31,you are a great little Rhymer!Dats a good thing.I look forward to reading some more.I think you,Johnb31,and Tomatomic should have a Dark Off.You know,see who can write the Darkest Song Lyric of All Time.I'd watch (read) it!