begginning to a song

wondering if you guys could critique and add on to this this song, thanks


Dead and gone that's what i say
been a few years since we played the game
watch us crumble into the grey
then dissolve back into the day






saw the doombringer brought to his knees
watched god beg for mercy while they laughed in his face
but the ocean it swells
and the ***** I once loved thought it would be fun to find hell

Chorus:
wounded hearts will always bleed
for those with self-inflicted poverty
while those of us with sanity
still think about morality
and broken dreams are just the things
that you and i still fail to see
so open your eyes and look to the sky
if you dont want your dream to die

Verse:
'We all feel the pain,
but some of us hide the shame.
and Where reflections are the same
our silhouettes differ
and the people who cant swim
are the ones that pass time by sinking.
Those are the people, I'd like to meet,
so i can tell them the ocean's got them beat
who when they say they can take the heat
we say the oceans never been warm
so stop trying to bullshit your way into the slaughter

really need some help for the rest of this song cos my band wants it finished thanks in advance guys

'We all feel the pain,
But I guess we're all the same.
Where words are wrong,
And we can't remember names.
Of the people who, spit rhymes,
People who, pass time.
Those are the people, I'd like to meet,
The one who don't got cold feet,
Who take the heat.
Are the ones who I wanna beat"

^ Maybe a next verse? ^

cheers bro great base for a next verse

sweet another verse up thanks bro

i want to know which chorus you think i should use. this one
Bleeding hearts are always kind
to those with self-inflicted poverty
while those of us with sanity
still think about morality
and broken dreams are just the things
that you and i still fail to see
so open your eyes and look to the sky
if you dont want your dream to die


or

Beating hearts will always bleed
for those with self-inflicted poverty
while those of us with sanity
still think about morality
and broken dreams are just what you and i still fail to see
so open your eyes and look to the sky if you dont want your dream to die