18 февраля, 20:34
Много лет я скреплял эти перышки воском
Чтоб отсюда взмыть в небо и прочь улететь
Мне надежду внушало далекое солнце –
Каждый день приходило на меня посмотреть.

А потом исчезало за океаном
Чтоб другим посветить и кого-то пригреть
И ночами мне снились чужедальние страны,
Мне б хоть краешком глаза на них поглядеть.

И вот труд мой закончен и крылья готовы
И я выбрал скалу – и вершины достиг
И, взмахнувши крылами, я сбросил оковы
Притяженья земного – наступил сладкий миг.

Миг отрыва от почвы и свободы паренья
Предо мною открыты теперь все пути.
Но пылает душа – солнца в ней отраженье
И лечу я на солнце. Будь, что ьудет. Прости.



Many years I glued on with best wax all these festhers
Aimed at one thing - rising to sky, flying away
Was inspired by the sun that in any weather
Plainly came to see me close on every day.

Then it sank in the end of the sea without trace
To shine for somebody and somebody to warm
In long nights i saw dreams of the countries away
How wished I'd be carried away by some storm

And my labour is over I finished the wings
And so I chose the cliff and have climbed to the top
And by swinging my wings i repelled Eath's slings
The force of attraction came by musles to stop

Penetration of freedom within total specs
Activates possibility of near escape
But aflame is the soul and the sun it reflects.
And my aim is the sun. Be what be. Sorry, babe.

Actually it's not good, it's VERY good.
Congrats!

Since after a google searching I've found that it's presented back on 2004, is it you who created the translation?

I wrote both the poem and the translation. Close to the original I hope.

Originally Posted by Victor Sklyarov

I wrote both the poem and the translation. Close to the original I hope.

Good to know Victor

I wanted to make it a song but I don't have ear for music

It's good to see you back Victor and I re-added you because i remember that we used to be 'friends'. I must have thought you had abandoned this forum and i don't know how i missed seeing your recent posts before now.

Но пылает душа – солнца в ней отраженье
И лечу я на солнце

......for some reason that sounds really beautiful to me in both Russian and English.

i was silent due to right-side paralyses that is still with me. 2 years.

Victor

vyzdoralvivai Victor (PM)
You make me think of Nabokov. My друг's favorite russian poem was beautifully translated by V.N.

Do you think my translation of Russian songs and poems are readable in English?

Most of the lines are really beautiful, just some of the verbs and adjectives could be improved.

Look for a response here or a PM from my boyfriend Moonrider, maybe in about 3 or 4 hours.

Greetings Victor...

Originally Posted by Victor Sklyarov

Do you think my translation of Russian songs and poems are readable in English?

Yes, very readable (I agree with Tess), your English translation has strong potential. I'll send you a message as soon as I have a little more time.

Waiting impatiently for your letter