A Spirit's Cry (comment please)

Thread: A Spirit's Cry (comment please)

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  1. Ruins Of Tomorrow's Avatar

    Ruins Of Tomorrow said:

    Default A Spirit's Cry (comment please)

    A Spirit's Cry

    Blurred vison and trembling hands
    Fumbling with the words
    To say how I feel
    Make me whole again
    I've been broken too long
    Take away the fear from my eyes
    Show me the light
    At the end of the tunnel
    Stuck on destroying all that I know
    Lost in a sea of lunacy
    Just another fallen spirit
    Make me whole again
    I've been broken too long
    Take away the fear from my eyes
    Show me the light
    At the end of the tunnel
    Chaos has been my companion
    But I want you now beside me
    I'm crying out to you now
    Where ever you are
    Come find me ando
    Make me whole again
    I've been broken too long
    Take away the fear from my eyes
    Show me the light
    At the end of the tunnel
    Make me believe in this world again
    Show me this isn't how I was meant to be
    Break the chains that bind me
    To this fear
    Come and save this shattered soul
    Breathe your love into me
     
  2. Ultimate DJ said:

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    wow...those lyrics are really powerful. I can tell they really mean something to you. Like your not just trying to write a song or sound poetic but that their coming from your heart and thats what matters most in a song.
    You have a couple lines that are amazing, like
    Chaos has been my companion,
    Lost in a sea of Lunacy,
    Come breathe your love into me....etc

    the only thing I would say is, if it rhymed it could be better. I know all songs don't have to rhyme but sometimes they need to. I believe with this one...it would carry a lot more power if it did.
    just my opinion



    puravida
    DJ
     
  3. Ruins Of Tomorrow's Avatar

    Ruins Of Tomorrow said:

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    thanks for the comment, i actually wrote this a very long time ago when i was in a dark place in my life
     
  4. happy place said:

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    I love it, very powerful, I've been there.
     
  5. Ruins Of Tomorrow's Avatar

    Ruins Of Tomorrow said:

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    thanks for the comment
     
  6. Acheramee's Avatar

    Acheramee said:

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    Ok, really dramatic, but really cool.That's awesome.Keep it up!
     
  7. Ruins Of Tomorrow's Avatar

    Ruins Of Tomorrow said:

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    thanks much, i'm gonna try to post something new in the near future just undergoing a case of writers block
     
  8. Jaote said:

    Thumbs up This is good.

    You sorta grab the listener,in this case me,and bring them into your life,and what you are feeling.Great read.
    Some simple logic is in affect.
     
  9. southern0077 said:

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    Very powerful song. There are a few lines that threw me of a bit

    instead of (Come find me ando) replace with (Come and help me thru)

    instead of(Show me this isn't how I was meant to be)
    replace with (Show me how I am meant to be)

    Just an idea :-)

    very powerful lyrics good job
     
  10. annrichelle said:

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    O.o <-- this is my face after reading your lyrics. haha and that's a good face btw.

    i especially liked these lines:
    "lost in a sea of lunacy
    just another fallen spirit"

    i dont know if this is what you intended, or if you even put those lines side by side on purpose, but the image that came to my head was something like a spirit falling from heaven into a "sea of lunacy" and not knowing how to... return, i guess