scars of life

Scars of Life

Why do you do it every night?
Why does this conversation always end in fights?
Is your life really that bad?
Is it really so meaningless and sad?

(refrain)
But now your fxcked up more then ever.
Your life is slowly draining from the veins you’ve severed.
The blood pours down your wrist,
And you’re the next victim on death’s list.

What happens when you go to deep?
Will you go into that long dark sleep?
When your blood is pouring will you scream and shout?
When your walkin that tunnel to the light will you try to get out?

(refrain)

Put down that blade if you want to live.
Break the habbit and your life it will give.
But if you don’t stop now,
you’ll die soon somehow
And I’ll be at your grave saying

Now your fxcked up more then ever,
and your life has been drained from the veins you’ve severed.
The blood, it leaks through your grave,
and through death you’ve finally been saved.

(bridge)

Now your fxcked up more then ever,
and your life has been drained from the veins you’ve severed.
The blood, it leaks through your grave,
and through death you’ve finally been saved.


Why do you do it every night?
Why does this conversation always end in fights?
Is your life really that bad?
Is it really so meaningless and sad?(fade out)

I like it. Suggested changes follow:

Your life slowly drains from the veins you’ve severed.
or
Life is slowly draining from the veins you’ve severed.

to deep ---> too deep

habbit ---> habit

When the light is calling, will you try to back out?


The verses in the refrain and the bridge appear to be "lighter weight" than the rest of the poem. Try something like:

(refrain)
Break the habit,... it's not pain for which you live.
Drop the blade,... it's life's pain you must forgive.
Reach out, I'l show you how,
But if you don’t stop now,
I’ll be at your grave saying

or

It's not pain for which you live.
It's life's pain you must forgive.
Reach out, I'll show you how,
Break the habit, you must stop now
Or I’ll be at your grave saying

(bridge)
Now your fxcked up more then ever,
and your life has drained from veins severed.
The pain, it leaks through your grave,
and through death you’ve finally been saved.

now that's deep, but it sounds like you've focused a little hard on the rhyming, a mistake I make a lot. Try just finding some really good lines and then work out the gist of what you going to say next, then think of words that might work, even though they don't rhyme exactly, like fly and time.

Pretty Good ...i Liked It... Reminds Me Of One Mine.

This is nice, and inspired. I really like it