Can I get some critiique on this?

Thread: Can I get some critiique on this?

Tags: None
  1. mythicdawn12 said:

    Default Can I get some critiique on this?

    I'm thinking hard rock, kind of like Disturbed. Give me your thoughts? I'd like to know your interpretation, because I'm not sure if it's clear or not.



    "Lacking"

    I don't have enough love to match you
    I lack the resolve to follow through
    With all the rules, I can't stay in line
    No recognition to join your kind

    Remember all my lies
    Gather them for me
    How little I really tried
    I can't break free

    Freak of desire
    Wait all my life for
    Some kind of connection
    And all kinds of deception
    (Stay away from me)
    Tangle the fate lines
    Rattle the cage
    And revolutionize the meaning of alive

    Sickened by heavy clouds of conscience
    The prodding fork to remember to staunch
    The flow of blood from a weakening body
    Die and dash your hopes upon me

    Keep away from the flies
    Disease rots the air
    You can't even try
    Don't touch me, don't dare

    Freak of desire
    Wait all my life for
    Some kind of connection
    And all kinds of deception
    (Stay away from me)
    Tangle the fate lines
    Rattle the cage
    And revolutionize the meaning of alive
     

loading