Captured! [EDITED]

Lies upon lies won't make it right
Fighting back tears all through the night
Despite, the fact that i still love you, i hate you
It's hard to explain, while standing in the rain
Although it hides the tears pouring down my face
And yet i wonder can you see?
I'm over these sorrowful moments
This is not meant to be
Tired of tears
Tired of lies
Tired of wearing this disguise
I am scared to see what will happen
What might be your reaction?
I need to give it up....
You've captured me....


. I'm not exactly sure if it was good or made any sense, but in a way i related to it with the situation i am going through now. All feedback is recommended. I am very grateful, that i found a site where i could post my lyrics. It took a while, but i found this site and have big hopes for my future.



This is my situation.I was so stupid, i cheated on him....He left......And yeahhh......I don't know what i was thinking.That's not even me.I feel evil...

Yea sure it makes sense! But I think it would be really hard to write a second verse.... ? ...but I'm not all that creative so I cant really say.

So anyway I'm really sorry about the situation. I've been there a few times myself. Hope it gets better for you soon.....

Thanks sooo much.I will finish the rest when i come from school,till than.peace.lol

Ummm, comment above me. I have NOOOOO whatsoever idea of what you are talking about........ Anyways, sorry i didn't finish the lyrics yet. Wasn't in the mood.When i have it will say Captured! [Edited] Still getting used to here. It seems like a nice place.

LovinAllMusic, that comment is spam/advertising, just ignore it. Moderators usually catch most of that stuff, but apparently they've been missing this weirdo.

Listen even if you don't finish it, I would say just punch up the last line a lil bit and let it be done. Also in the second line, if you change "trying to fight back" to just "fighting back" it'll flow a lot better.

If you want to turn this into a minimally lyricized song, just re-use some of the phrases to make a chorus

Thanks so much! I will do that. Didn't think of that, but thanks for your help. Goodnite.lol Yeah...its my bedtime..I'm 13...School..*sigh*

I have edited this,it is muchhh better.lol Still sad

It's very good, and I can relate to it.

Yes I can relate to it too ...

Edit: moved ...

http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/ly...tml#post726535

Just from what I see here, I'd say that if you look closer you already have a single verse, a pre-chorus segment, and a pretty decent chorus. To go along with what MoonRide42 commented on, I would say make a slight change to the last line or two and you'd have it made. May I suggest considering a slight revision to shorten it up like "I need to GIVE up, I'm captured." All it takes is removing or changing a couple words to go from something decent to something great. Other than that, I think you're really onto something here. I can't wait to see what else you do!

The first line - Lies upon lies won't make it right - is amazing, and when I heard about my ex from my friends I still had that line stuck in my head so I said : Adding some twists to the lies you told won’t make it right; Then I wrote a song starting with that line !! I just wanted to say thank you for the inspiration lol

Lol, nooo thank you! It is really great to be inspired by someone.Thanks so much!