first one posted...must look>>>>COMMENT ON THNX

Thread: first one posted...must look>>>>COMMENT ON THNX

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  1. DyL@N said:

    Exclamation first one posted...must look>>>>COMMENT ON THNX

    this is just one verse....

    my eyes are looking out for me
    so i will always find my dreams
    ill put my life up in this beat
    then im making it a track
    now everbodys looking back
    on the life they use to have
    but im letting mine off my shoulders and leaving it in the past
    wish upon a star and yes im believing
    its like my life is bleeding
    cuz i spilt it on the mic
    aint no cleaning up the mess cuz thats the price
    of letting it all go
    but before u plan it though
    u should always know
    that chasing dreams aint easy
    nor breezy
    i been practing for a lifetyme
    the beat is my heart and my lyrics and my lifeline
    youll never take this away
    im reaching for the stars everysingle day
    i know im space bound
    my life used to be lost but now i know their found
    so ill keep living on till the day that i die
    but nothing is perfect so ill keep my eyes wide


    İİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİİopyrighted


    just tell watcha think thnnx
    Last edited by DyL@N; 08-12-2010 at 11:23 PM.
  2. RachelMarie said:

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    I love the last two lines of this! The whole this is very good. In some places, it doesn't flow so easily, like maybe a syllable or two could be removed. But other than that, it reads naturally with a beat. Nicely written!