July by Drake (Cover) FEEDBACK?

My vision impaired by love/
But I ain't about to finish last/
Love got me chasing it/
But Lust got me within its*grasp/
Youre thinkin' if this gonna be the last date/
While I'm tryna make the date last/
I got a present for you/
A new future; time to throw out that old*past/*
*
I can't describe how beautiful you are/
But youre exotic; Something like Taiwan/
You took my breath away/
Is this something that I could die from?/
There are lots of fish in the sea/
I'm just happy I caught a live one/
She got my heart in a box/
You can say that I'm sick with the Omarions; Type one/
Hey, there's a princess in the mirror/
Oh that's you/
You sure look like one/
Told me your fears/
Now I'm here no need to leave the lights on/
I see us being together clearly/
Like pictures from a Nikon/
I give haters a cold shoulder/
But the other stay warm for you cry on/
I keep it nice and clean/
But Im broke; no green like dry lawns/
To steal your heart, I gotta make the first move/
Like em white pawns/
Have you been told that you look like Eos/
The Goddess that rise dawns?/
Tryin' to paint you a picture with words/
You left me wordless/
No lines drawn/

They always asking me/
On a scale of 1 to ten/
How truly hot is she?/
I said I dont really know/*
She aint really that hot to me/
She's more like the treasure at the end of the rainbow/
So we all eat skittles just to come and see/
She exceeds my expections/
So I check em off my list like Nike/
She must be a star/
Because she light my night up brightly/
She keep my heart in shape/
Got it jumping when she smiles lightly/
Youre so beautiful/
Like a view tourists come to sight see/
Are you hot?/
Cuz I am with you standing right by me/
(These are the FINISHED verses)

Winds of change are pushin' you/
So Im holdin' on like a kite string/
Saying youre ugly is paradoxical/
Like a good bite or a nice sting/
The flowers, the cars, and all the other nice things/
Lets step out of this friendship circle/
So I can put you in a nice ring/

Like Young Money productions/
I do want this forever/
I'm all about leaving good*impressions/
So I dont walk near the water/
I just need somebody to love; Kinda like Bieber/
He's gay but he got you in a flu/
Or was it a fever/*
You know I'd change for you like a Transformer/
But Fate I beg you; Please dont transform her/

If you still havent figure out what I'm tryna say in between all my lines/
Let me tell you that you shouldn't settled for being called "Hella fine"/
Because if this is a race to perfection/
You're already at the finish line/
Youre stuck/
Like a post-it note; posted on my mind/
(These are the UNFINISHED verses)

These lyrics are COPYRIGHT! Feeedbackkkk please! Thank you

Name,
wow...Great job on this. very expressive. great structure. flows well, easy to read and understand. nice way to use them metaphores. good choice of lyrics.

well done homie...

Thanks bro! There's still more to come but I appreciate the feedback!

FINISHED LYRICS! (Or at least almost-finished)

** * * * * * * * * * * * July** * * * * * * * * * * **
My vision impaired by love/
But I ain't about to finish last/
Love got me chasing it/
But Lust got me within its*grasp/
Youre thinkin' if this gonna be the last date/
While I'm tryna make the date last/
I promise you a future/
Time to throw out the old*past/*
*
I can't describe how beautiful you are/
But youre exotic; Something like Taiwan/
You took my breath away/
Is this something that I could die from?/
There are lots of fish in the sea/
I'm just happy I caught a live one/
She got my heart in a box/
You can say that I'm sick with the Omarions; Type one/
Hey, there's a princess in the mirror/
Oh that's you/
You sure do look like one/
Told me your fears/
Now I'm here no need to leave the lights on/
I see us being together clearly/
Like pictures from a Nikon/
I give haters a cold shoulder/
But the other stay warm for you cry on/
I keep it nice and clean/
But I got no green like dry lawns/
To steal your heart, I gotta make the first move/
Like em white pawns/
Have you been told that you look like Eos/
The Goddess that rise dawns?/
Tryin' to paint you a picture with words/
You left me wordless/
No lines drawn/

They always asking me/
On a scale of 1 to ten/
How truly hot is she?/
I said I dont really know/*
She really aint that hot to me/
She's more like the treasure at the end of the rainbow/
We all eat skittles just to come and see/
She exceeds my expections/
So I check em off my list like Nike/
She must be a star/
Because she light my night up brightly/
She keep my heart in shape/
Got it jumping when she smiles lightly/
She's so beautiful/
Like a view tourists come to sight see/
I gotta ask:
Are you hot?/
Cuz I am with you standing right by me/

July is all about summer/
And its mediocre showers/
I'm all about leaving good*impressions/
So I dont walk near the water/
Youre sick with singlarity/
Let me be your caring doctor/
Come let us connect/
Let me introduce Mrs. Network and Mr. Router/
*
Winds of change are pushin' you/
So Im holdin' on like a kite string/
Saying youre ugly is paradoxical/
Like a good bite or a nice sting/
The flowers, the cars, all the other nice things/
Lets step out of this friendship circle/
So I can put you in a nice ring/
And this aint me saying just another nice thing/
But more like a request to be your left and right wing/
When them haters tryin' to shoot you down/
Tell'em **** you; have a nice spring/

(Raps this part after beat goes out)
If you still havent figure out what I'm tryna say in between all my lines/
Let me tell you that you shouldn't settled for being called "Hella fine"/
Because, baby, if it is perfection that you need to fine/
Then it is a race where you started at the finish line/


LYRICS ARE COPYRIGHTED! 7/1/2011 10:23 AM

I agree with Sk'n, good ish man. Its very drake like, which can be hard to do. The rhyming tied with the metaphors and such is very smooth. Good ish.

Yo, thank you for your feedback! Um, I do listen to A LOT of Drake so thats probably why it sounds Drake- like and its his song in the first place lol.

BumpPpp

Yeah I know its by Drake, I was just complementing you on your ability to mimic Drake's style. Keep working and putting stuff down on paper though my man. Oh and take a look at some of my stuff If you would. Preferably the one I just posted, Rap My Mind, 94 tempo and insanity. Thanks.