Feedback on my rap

Thread: Feedback on my rap

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  1. Deleterious's Avatar

    Deleterious said:

    Default Feedback on my rap

    I'm still slayin and killin
    Watch other rappers blood spillin

    My rhymes lift you from down under
    Finished instantly one hit wonder
    Faster than thunder

    Like a instant death battle
    Your rhymes sound worse than a brattle
    My name makes your heart rattle

    You're raps make people want Midol
    Mine make me peoples idol

    It's like a tidal wave
    You better run for that cave
    This music is for no rave

    You're rhymes are weak
    My rhymes leave you bleak
    Leave you lost in losers creek
    No wonder why people call you a freak

    People want me to get clean
    Go green
    I would rather end up worse than Charlie sheen

    It's almost time to finish you off now
    I'm on fire time for the blast off plow
    You curl up like a cat did you just say meow

    You take me for a joke that’s the last straw
    I'll leave you with nothing to gnaw
    Time to freeze you will never thaw
    Strap you down with this chain saw
    You're finished off left with a broken jaw
    This is my law

    I show no compassion
    Like having a straight face while you're head split open/and it mashin

    Bashin blood
    Flash flood

    Fix dead locks
    Break your face in 3 spots
    Have you end up worse than 10 mace shots
    Have the most evil plots

    They call me Legendary
    My rhymes are very scary
    At night you better be very wary

    Stop buggin me
    Go stay high on trees
    I hope you O.D.

    My rhymes come like shipments
    Make you look like misfits
    Now you're really on my hit list

    I cause nightmares
    Last 10thousand light-years
    You're worst fear

    Here comes the almighty
    Better get your ears tidy
    Not a time to be flighty
    Don’t you dare call me whitey

    Crack you're brain
    Step up and you get slain
    You're rhyme basicly come drained

    My rhymes are stright up raw
    Leaves you in awe
    All I hear from you is blah blah blah
    You scratch like a cats claw
    This is over you're just a huge flaw

    You sold your soul for some pride
    Yet you still run and hide
    Your whole rap life is a lie
    You don’t wanna see me on this beef side

    You need to watch what you say to me
    Don’t run and flee
    Trying to be low key
    You're finished that’s my fee
  2. ir1 said:

    Default

    Try multi syllable rhyming and internal rhymes.

    Then after that move on to applying wordplay.
  3. L.O. said:

    Default

    somethings missing cant put my finger on it but maybe i'm imagining things