Gold all that glitters
Somethin that can turn a sweet girl bitter
Me im a rapper im 14 years old
Im lookin for more valuable things than gold
Knowlege, knowlege is power
Plant the seed in ur mind and hope to grow a flower
Pain,pain is a necessity
Pain and misery is in the recipe
I wont give up never i stay loud
Ima keep on till my heart dont pound
Till my brain shut down
Till my body is in the ground
I live to astound
Im the one who questions if silence is a sound
I see the cup half full
The only gold i need is the golden rule
Never forget where u came from
And me i came from a kingdom
Im not here to brag
If i had a choice id choose rags over riches
Why get everything u want with the snap of a finger
And a mansion is what u live in
I get what i need myself true ambition
U dont need no reason to do the right thing
Its intuition
Some of yall forgettin
My words are not read until their written
Stop the madness abolition
Im gonna boycott the world we live in
U shouldnt take everything ur given
My words are not read until their written
The sky cries cuz theres no retribution
And the tears arent water its a solution
Nobody sees the pollution
Cuz thinkin is to confusin
We never learn we need to improve it
Instead of fixin the broken pipe we remove it and replace it
Cuz nobody can face the challenges
Atleast nobody has the courage
Send nobody back to shel silverstien
Cuz thats what nobody prefers
Written in blood
Written in gold
Written in lost dreams and false hope
Written in never reached goals
Written with the human soul
And im done
I think i would get some street credit
If i did some drugs and got arrested
I think everybody would like me
If i survived from OD
This is the new me
And the new me killed the old me
Before he killed me he told me
After i died he would take my head as a trophy

feedback?

Pretty basic, but not bad at all. You seem to get your point across well but begins to be a bit redundant. I suggest you break up your bars into sections. That may help it a bit. Overall, i say that piece is headed in the right direction.

Okay. I'll take that advice i wrote this really fast sometimes i just start freestyling thats where the first 3 or 4 bars came from and then i just wrote the rest. When i started writing raps it was horrible so i stopped then i started typing them on my phone and it was better, long story short i improve a little every year

Write more. Writers get better every time they write. It's not a thing that comes with time...