@Hey Why Don't You(I've taken the liberty of renaming this gem.Shorter Song Titles are easier to remember and more catchy and commercial)
This is really good,Amaryn.I read it after The Hotel,and all of a sudden I was back in the Hotel in The Shining!Hey,I'm just telling where my mind went,I can't tell you why,only that it did!

Originally Posted by Doug Denslowe

Did you write this?This could be a great "hook"or chorus in a song.Very clever,maybe my style is rubbing off on you!

, Thanks , Doug! I did. Just jumped to my mind the other day. Who knows, you may have made a point there, Flower Bro!

"Hey why don't you" I have written for the piano+vocals.

Rare Colour Love


your love
has a rare colour
a peculiar shade
of blue
like a wintry sky
promising
crystal flowers
on your bedroom windows

the brightness
of the snowy hills at night
is as unforgettable
and frosty
as the moment of
your departure

she was looking at me
with the eyes of a deer
hesitating
to cross the road



________________________


your mouth
is a palace
with ivory stairs
I enter
standing on the doormat
with my shoes on
-never brushed so well
before



____________________________

sometimes she is
like a long distance phonecall
I can hear her
but I don't understand
what
she is saying

Originally Posted by amaryn

your love
has a rare colour
a peculiar shade
of blue
like a wintry sky
promising
crystal flowers
on your bedroom windows

love this!!!Also love the new Title!!!

You know,my brother in Flowers (And not to mention Flower Pot Men)the above three poems,with a little tinkering(that an American term to "fixing"but not as strong.Like a light fixing)could be one great song.If you changed a phase or two,rounded it out a bit,they almost go together!Anyhow like them all,could see them put together

It's an interesting venture, Doug, to knit them together into a song. I suppose you mean "Promise", "I remember" and "She was looking at Me".
Tell me,if I'm wrong! I might have a go, see if I can work it out for ye.

a silky river of kisses
below a breathtaking skyline
the fullfillment
of a broschure
showing pictures
of our next destination:
heaven

whispering passion
hidden away
in unbroken silence

a letter came, the postman left
I could have killed the man
'cause what you wrote was very sad
"we cannot meet again"

a thousand thoughts ran through my mind
what am I gonna do
you seemed in love, were always kind
what happened there to you?

a second letter came, too soon
for me to grab it all
you spoke of marriage, not with me
and though I tried to call
the phone kept ringing, no one there
no one to say "hello"
to me this all seemed so unfair
I'm fond of you, you know

I've written to you , all in vain
an answer I don't get
I won't give up, it seems insane
that I'm alone in bed
have I been deaf, or maybe blind
the answer I don't know
as long as I search for the truth
I cannot let you go!

as long as trees
get tired of blossoming
the earth
is imperfect

Wow, these are very very good. I like that they have a kind of rhythm to them

Debeaux! Thanks for the feedback!, Yes, indeed, some of them are written with music in my head!

friends, it seems only a word,
but they're important, it can hurt
if they say they have had enough
when time is bleak and they get tough

friends, when trust is dead and gone
whilst you had them to lean upon
if they just go, leave you behind
what thoughts are running through your mind?

chorus:

it seems a tunnel without light
without your friends you cannot fight
and when you take a walk outside
there's nothing but a starless night

friends, though sometimes they deceive
you do not want them all to leave
life is hard, you want some fun
who can live without the sun?

chorus:

it seems a tunnel without light
without your friends you cannot fight
and when you take a walk outside
there's nothing but a starless night

with her ipod in the jungle
-music was her friend-
she didnot hear the tiger
and met a tragic end

she'd always loved her music
she couldn't live without
listening to rock and blues
her stereo always loud
she danced through fields of passion
she never felt alone
it was her true obsession
which made her feel at home

she went into the jungle
her ipod was her friend
she didnot hear the tiger
and met her tragic end

her parents took her with them
to an isle called Borneo
headphones on her ears
her parents saw her go
with a small group of tourists
she went just for a day
the promise of adventure
what else was there to say?

she went into the jungle
the ipod on her head
she didnot hear the tiger
is what officials said

Originally Posted by amaryn

It's an interesting venture, Doug, to knit them together into a song. I suppose you mean "Promise", "I remember" and "She was looking at Me".
Tell me,if I'm wrong! I might have a go, see if I can work it out for ye.

Yes,I believe these are the ones I meant.I did skip this site,yesterday,there were so many new songs and Replies on Lyrics Review.I see on the poem I "love"in Comment #46 there's no name for it.Rare Colour Love has my vote.You write so much,I'll have to read them later,after Marshal Dillion rides into the sunset.

A Letter:Cool!
Friends:Like it.The word "friends"is so overused,it'd seriously think about renaming this "tunnel without light"by far the coolest line in this song.I'll get back to you on "ipod in the jungle" as soon as I have the chance to read it,assess it,then give you my thumbs up or down.

Thanks Doug! #46 which refers to #43 has a title "promise": I added "Rare Colour Love", it suits!

I renamed "Friends" as you proposed. You are right there. I don't know how to erase "friends" Sorry!!

I myself read as much through other people'spoetry and songs as possible. All their poetry is truely the Bomb of ATL
It really is a source of inspiration and encouragement and all of us need comments to carry on creating.

Take your time, I write a lot, since I have hardly any work, and bags of time,lol
Eager to hear your comments, as always!

Your Humbly Flower Bro

To change the name on a Thread,Go Advanced.
iPod in the Jungle;what can I say?It's cute!I joined your "in progress" group.I was writing Frankie a PM,touched the wrong thingamajig and ended up on your page.I defo will post some "works in progress".This is a good idea,as posting unfinished stuff in Lyrics Review never appealed to me.Now I've got a place to see how I'm doing.Good idea!