Rickey, just one pointer if I may. Try rhyming more than one scheme. Notice how you are rhyming in a single way:

I choke a mic
And do it right like Dolemite
Control the hype
Control the fight and hold it tight
I've been told it's like

Compared to smooth who always looks to rhyme as much as he can per line:

I never signed-off on the town that I'm livin in.
Every night lost is an ounce of me giving in.
Often I'm in thought of the Indian who told me I would die but then promised in the end i would live again.
I think he meant the conscious of the living man..
Once I stopped just to watch a possum cross a river dam.
Squatting a balsam it dragged a single fist.
And with its paw and one swat snagged a pickerel fish.

See how many more words & phrases are working within a rhyme scheme?

Also, take your time over your content. Comparing the 2 verses, yours comes across more basic. This is because you lack concepts, similes, metaphors. Try to change how you say something to make it more rhymable, if that makes sense. Eg:

In a short verse I did called 'Ghost' I wanted to say if I was a ghost I'd be invisible

But I wasn't happy for 2 reasons, 1) the syllable count was too short for how I wanted it to flow, and 2) the word 'invisible' restricted me to only being able to rhyme with certain words and phrases like 'divisible', 'it's physical', etc.

so, I kept the concept but changed the way I said it to:

If I was a ghost I'd go undetected by a retina

Here, the idea or concept of 'invisibility' is still portrayed but the wording I've chosen opens me up to a less restrictive rhyme scheme. It also has the effect of seeming like a clever way of saying something, which is always good in hip-hop.

Originally Posted by RickeyJoe

Thanks for your advice Venomology but I believe you're incorrect about most of it. The way I rhyme is just fine. I've worked my style out for years and I'm not going to change it to a style that I think isn't as good. I use multi syllable rhyming more often than 99 percent of rappers out there and I think it sounds way better rolling off the tongue. And NO, I don't see how many words and phrases are working within a rhyme scheme in this:

I never signed-off on the town that I'm livin in.
Every night lost is an ounce of me giving in.
Often I'm in thought of the Indian who told me I would die but then promised in the end i would live again.
I think he meant the conscious of the living man..
Once I stopped just to watch a possum cross a river dam.
Squatting a balsam it dragged a single fist.
And with its paw and one swat snagged a pickerel fish.

There's hardly ANY multi syllable rhyming, which is okay because that's his style. I still like it. But comparitively mine is just different and in fact MORE of my words rhyme syllablicly than in his. I'm not saying I'm better, just saying I'm different. The only thing I see that you are correct about is my Themes, sometimes I lack focus on my themes and start rappin' in a tangent. That's the only thing though and I'll have that cleared up before too long.

hmm... well, I'm aware you use multis. that wasn't my point. I was trying to say that you could mix up 2 different schemes within lines instead of exhausting one scheme before moving on to another. internals + end rhymes, with transitions instead of jumps.

I also believe you are incorrect about smooth's verse. you say there's hardly any multi syllable rhyming? how about:

never signed off / every night lost
town that I'm living in / ounce of me giving in + living in / giving in / Indian / live again
stopped just / watch a + conscious of the living man / possum cross a river dam
dragged a single fist / snagged a pickerel fish

every line has a multi-syllabic scheme, some have more than one. but you see "hardly any"?

still, you seem like you don't want my advice. so I'll leave you be.

I know you mean no offence, but I can guarantee nothing in smooth's verse is half-@ssed. especially the rhyming.

what you meant was that smooth is willing to use slant rhymes, assonance and alliteration. whereas you focus on perfect rhymes.

the point I'm trying to make about your rhyming is that by choosing to focus on perfect rhymes you are severely limiting not only the words & phrases you can rhyme, but also the content you can rap about. part of the art rap includes twisting the pronunciation of words, making imperfect rhymes sound perfect. I'm not saying you're wrong, and I know my advice isn't wrong. Perfect rhymes are restrictive, and they limit creatvity in a creative art form. I'm suggesting that in order to grow as an artist you should open yourself to different types of rhyming and schemes.

hmm.. I'm not dissing you or saying you're wack. I think you're being overly defensive here. I'm just giving advice.

to prove a point though, you still seem limited because in a few of those verses you've repeated the same rhymes

terrific / prolific / the critics / the cynics

missin it / dissin it / listening / spitting it

I don't know. I'm not going to reply any more because you're not listening to me. It seems like you don't want to challenge yourself by trying different things and you just want me to accept that you're "dope"... all these verses are just cries of "look at me, look how dope I am!"

Sorry, not buying it. Your vocab is too limited, your rhymes are repetitive because you limit yourself, and your creativity also suffers because of this.