Originally Posted by LooknGlass

Simple but to the point. I like it and think with the right music this can become grander. How the words are enunciated with the music can make it pop good too. Good write Doug, I don't get to see much of yours. You should post more often.

I have posted 44 songs and poems.Since I try to encourage the current posters,it may seem I'm just here to "give critiques",I figure that since I received such great feedback I could at least do the same for the other writers on ATL.If you're interested in my songs,go to my profile,click "Threads Started By" and you'll see what I'm about!

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Doug, the key to this song will be the music. Let's face it, some songs have been primarily phrases repeated over and over, yet they've made it as classics (the only one I can think of now is "Hey, Jude"). Your lyrics are fine, though not earth-shattering. This could still be a hit, though; do you have music? If not, what kind of music do you imagine with it?

I agree! Though I totally picture Hello, Goodbye!

I absolutely love this song Doug the chorus is amazing in it and the song as a whole flows so nicely. It does have some similarities to that song I wrote "Get Away".

Maybe because the first lines are a bit similar to 'Hello Goodbye', I thought it was a Beatlesque song. But after having listened to Civil Wars, I tend to think a duet would work best for this song. (Kate Perry and John Mayer?). It's a light-hearted song, but not lightweight.

Oooooh. Now THAT is genius. Or something like The XX maybe? I agree about it being a great duet.

Originally Posted by Johnb31

I absolutely love this song Doug the chorus is amazing in it and the song as a whole flows so nicely. It does have some similarities to that song I wrote "Get Away".

Now you see that mentioning your song in someone's comments (sometimes)pays off!Thanks John,Kerri and Peter!

I like this song a lot and I think that the simplicity is what gives it it's charm. It's simple but somewhat complex at the same time and that's not easy to pull off in such an excellent manner but Doug has achieved it very well here.

Doug,
I have to say, I'm aware this is about me, but you hit it dead on~ this rhythm is amaazzzinnnggg. This is a definite love song...it has quick, catchy rhymes and it ends on a note and a quote that sticks in the readers's miinds....well, Doug, I love you, but "I can no longer be with you"...for this post anyways...love the song, great potential

Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine

Doug, the key to this song will be the music. Let's face it, some songs have been primarily phrases repeated over and over, yet they've made it as classics (the only one I can think of now is "Hey, Jude"). Your lyrics are fine, though not earth-shattering. This could still be a hit, though; do you have music? If not, what kind of music do you imagine with it?

I agree and disagree. I think the lyrics, in their simplicity, are earth-shattering. I agree that it would be a great song, b/c as you said, some of the best songs have very simple lyrics-which is what Doug was doing..I think he accomplished this goal sensationally!

Jessie, if that's a real picture of you that you're using as your avatar, sweet Jesus, you are hot! Lol! Smart and sexy, that's rare these days.

Originally Posted by BackInBlack

Jessie, if that's a real picture of you that you're using as your avatar, sweet Jesus, you are hot! Lol! Smart and sexy, that's rare these days.

That's her alright!That's Wild West Jess in the flesh!

Originally Posted by jessie zuppo

Doug,
I have to say, I'm aware this is about me, but you hit it dead on~ this rhythm is amaazzzinnnggg. This is a definite love song...it has quick, catchy rhymes and it ends on a note and a quote that sticks in the readers's miinds....well, Doug, I love you, but "I can no longer be with you"...for this post anyways...love the song, great potential

The last person I thought would ever read these lyrics was you!As you can see,by the date it was written,I was still thinking about you many years after we parted ways.I'm glad,at least,I was able to use those memories for writing some of my best songs!

Re-reading these lyrics, I CLEARLY hear Civil Wars this time. Since I've grown over time, I no longer hear these lyrics as "simplistic" as I mentioned earlier. As a matter of fact, they are not at all doo-***; rather definitively current!