MUSIC IS FREE

Ain't no publisher
Gonna pitch your song
Ain't no deals
Those days are gone
It's all on youtube
Come with me
There for the listening
Music Is Free

Music Is Free
Music Is Free
The worldwide web
Changed everything
Music Is Free
Music Is Free
Type in my name
Watch me sing

Ain't no label
Gonna sign you now
The Internet killed
The cash cow
Ain't no manager
With a big contract
Colonel Parker's dead
Ain't coming back

Music Is Free
Music Is Free
The worldwide web
Changed everything
Music Is Free
Music Is Free
Type in my name
Watch me sing

It's a public library
No one gets paid
But if you're good
You might get laid

Music Is Free
Music Is Free
The worldwide web
Changed everything
Music Is Free
Music Is Free
Type in my name
Watch me sing

Jim Colyer ascap

Please don't call me a racist
I'd rather die than be a racist
Hang by the neck than be a racist
Get the electric chair than be a racist

I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist

Please don't call me a racist
I'd rather drown than be a racist
Swallow poison than be a racist
Take a lethal injection than be a racist

I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist

No racist
No racist
No racist
No racist

Please don't call me a racist
I'd rather crash my car than be a racist
Face a firing squad than be a racist
Be castrated than be a racist

I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist
I Am Not A Racist

Please
Please
I beg you
Please don't call me a racist

Jim Colyer ascap
http://www.jimcolyer.com

She's so beautiful
Looks like a goddess
Even without makeup
And her hair a mess
She's so lovely
Classic features
But tonight
She's a Blue Goddess

Blue Goddess
She lost her man
To another woman
Hard to understand
Beauty's skin deep
Not all are impressed
Under its spell
Blue Goddess

Got that body
An hourglass figure
Looking so feminine
Pretty as a picture
In her bluejeans
Sexy red dress
But tonight
She's a Blue Goddess

Blue Goddess
She lost her man
To another woman
Hard to understand
Beauty's skin deep
Not all are impressed
Under its spell
Blue Goddess

She's down in the dumps
Blue as can be
Maybe this time
She'll come with me

Blue Goddess
She lost her man
To another woman
Hard to understand
Beauty's skin deep
Not all are impressed
Under its spell
Blue Goddess

Jim Colyer ascap

I Got Wounds
They're deep
Bloody
Wanna see?
I got scars
Bruises
I'm marred
A loser

I Got Wounds
I'm battered
Broken
I'm tattered
Been hurt
Betrayed
Bad feelings
Everyday

Life's hard
Mean streak
Keeps you down
On your knees

I Got Wounds
They're deep
Bloody
Wanna see?
I'm tore up
Jagged
I'm lost
Ragged

Jim Colyer ascap

I'm no Genius
Average on a good day
On a bad day, well
We won't talk about it
Everything I know
Comes from reading books
The thoughts of others
I don't doubt it

I'm no Genius
I'll leave that to Lennon
John Lennon and Ray Charles
Groucho Marx and Lenin
I'm no Genius
Some call me a hack
I just like women
Especially if they're stacked

Speaking of women
They're my Achilles heel
They're my only weakness
Just to cop a feel
Just to be kissed
Just to get laid
Just to be noticed
In my old age

I'm no Genius
I'll leave that to Lennon
John Lennon and Ray Charles
Groucho Marx and Lenin
I'm no Genius
Some call me a hack
I just like women
Especially if they're stacked

Jim Colyer ascap

THINGS COULD BE WORSE

He told me of
An empty tomb
And how Jesus
Rose from the dead
He doesn't know
That empty tomb
Is just on paper
And in his head

Things Could Be Worse
That's what he told me
But I don't see how
If you do, show me
Things'll be better
When Jesus lifts the curse
That's what he said
Things Could Be Worse

When he was done
He passed the plate
He needed money
To perpetuate
The Lord's work
And to buy a coat
To buy a car
And pay the house note

Things Could Be Worse
That's what he told me
But I don't see how
If you do, show me
Things'll be better
When Jesus lifts the curse
That's what he said
Things Could Be Worse

I can't love Jesus
I'm not gay
I love KymBo
Cos she's a babe

Things Could Be Worse
That's what he told me
But I don't see how
If you do, show me
Things'll be better
When Jesus lifts the curse
That's what he said
Things Could Be Worse

Jim Colyer ascap

SHE USED TO BE BEAUTIFUL

She Used To Be Beautiful
But now she's ugly
She was so sexy
When she loved me
She used to be a ten
Now she looks like crap
She hasn't aged well
In the middle-age trap

She Used To Be Beautiful
How her hair shone
Her blue eyes sparkled
When she was young
But she went downhill
Got that sagging skin
Thirty pounds overweight
Got that double chin

Funny how women fade
Just like wilted flowers
Completely fall apart
Once they hit forty

She Used To Be Beautiful
But now she's ugly
She was so sexy
When she loved me
She used to be a stunner
When our love was new
Now she looks like Hillary
Looks like Rosie too

Jim Colyer ascap

WAR

I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there

I fought the British
In the Revolution
I fought them again
In 1812
I fought the *******s
In the Mexican War
Me and James Polk
War is hell

The Civil War confused
It made no sense
Lincoln should've stopped it
Our worst president
Then came Spain
Teddy Roosevelt
I was a Rough Rider
In this event

I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there

The Indians were savage
They liked taking scalps
I was in the cavalry
I was there to help
I won the west
Built the railroads
I fought Sitting Bull
Spanked Geronimo

World War I
Though called the Great War
Was but a foreshadow
Of what was to come
World War II
Changed everything
I went nuclear
When it was done

I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there

Off to Korea
And the War of politics
Truman said we had
To contain the Communist
Vietnam was crazy
Sixty thousand died
Jane and I stopped it
LBJ lied

The wars of the Bushes
Took me to the desert
Iraq and Afghanistan
Nothing but messes
I lost the War on Terror
Muslims in the White House
Trump will save our country
Throw Obama out

I minored in history
The study of War
Every War we fought
I was there

Jim Colyer ascap

DEATH AS AN ADVENTURE

That unexplored realm
The final frontier
Beyond the beyond
Beyond all fear
George Harrison knew
The art of dying
No more lying
No more crying

Death As An Adventure
What will it be?
I'm ready to go
Ready to see
The proverbial light
Or nothing at all
Excitement awaits
Adventure calls

Heaven or hell
Buddha or Krishna
Jesus himself
Sweet Nirvana
God or Allah
Clouds of angels
Reincarnation
Twenty-some virgins

Death As An Adventure
What will it be?
I'm ready to go
Ready to see
The proverbial light
Or nothing at all
Excitement awaits
Adventure calls

If there's nothing
I'll never tell
But nothing beats
The hell out of hell

Death As An Adventure
What will it be?
I'm ready to go
Ready to see
The proverbial light
Or nothing at all
Excitement awaits
Adventure calls

Jim Colyer ascap

I'M NOBODY

I'm no picker
I'm no grinner
I'm no player
I'm no winner
I'm no icon
I'm no prodigy
I'm no idol
I'm no celebrity

I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody

I'm no hunk
I'm no pro
I'm no legend
No no no
I'm no star
VIP
No red carpet
For me me me

I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody

I'm garbage
Piece of ****
Big loser
I accept it

I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody

I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody
I'm Nobody

Jim Colyer ascap

WHERE'D THE LAST 20 YEARS GO?

Seems like 1996
Was 6 minutes ago
But it's 2016
On Music Row
Seems like Shania
Should be having hits
Any Man Of Mine
High on the charts

Where'd The Last 20 Years Go
Somehow they slipped away
I'm half the man I was
Back in the day
How'd the good times disappear
Tell me if you know
Help me to understand
Where'd The Last 20 years go

Bill was having a picnic
Brought his women along
Monica in the White House
Soon as Hillary was gone
Paul O'Neill playing right
Derek Jeter at short
Joe Torre managed
Up in New York

Where'd The Last 20 Years Go
Somehow they slipped away
I'm half the man I was
Back in the day
How'd the good times disappear
Tell me if you know
Help me to understand
Where'd The Last 20 years go

I miss my parents
They were alive then
Our family was together
Like it had always been

Where'd The Last 20 Years Go
Somehow they slipped away
I'm half the man I was
Back in the day
How'd the good times disappear
Tell me if you know
Help me to understand
Where'd The Last 20 years go

Jim Colyer ascap

ARYAN GODDESS

The wisdom of Athena
The beauty of Aphrodite
She rules like Hera
So powerful, so mighty

Aryan Goddess
She sustains us
Aryan Goddess
She protects us

Her name is Taylor Swift
Blonde hair and blue eyes
Men worship at her feet
She came from the sky

Aryan Goddess
She sustains us
Aryan Goddess
She protects us

She's immortal
Superior in every way
Her youth is eternal
She'll never age

Arms like Greek marble
Straight from Mount Olympus
Got cherry red lips
Pure and statuesque

Aryan Goddess
She sustains us
Aryan Goddess
She protects us

Aryan Goddess
She sustains us
Aryan Goddess
She protects us

Jim Colyer ascap

I SAW JESUS LAST NIGHT

I Saw Jesus Last Night
He stepped out of King of Kings
That movie from 1961
He wasn't missing a thing
He had the shoulder length hair
And the flowing white robe
He was obviously Anglo-Saxon
And his halo shone like gold

I Saw Jesus Last Night
He sat there on my bed
Laid on his hands, spoke in tongues
We prayed together, then he said
Let's ride in my flying saucer
See places you've never seen
Jupiter, Saturn, Mars and Venus
The Virgo cluster of galaxies

There were hundreds of UFO reports
As I caught a glimpse of heaven
I thought I was on LSD
Such a good time we were having

I Saw Jesus Last Night
He stepped out of King of Kings
That movie from 1961
He wasn't missing a thing
He had those spaced-out eyes
Had the nail marks in his hands
I knew he was the Son of God
I knew he was the Son of Man

When our trip was over
Jesus tucked me in bed
Visions of sugar plums
Danced in my head

Jim Colyer ascap

YOUR MEMORY HAUNTS ME

I meet new guys
We get along fine
But I think about you
Half of the time
I think about how
You and I used to be
I've got to confess
Your Memory Haunts Me

I know life goes on
And we can't look back
Seems we ran our course
We lost our knack
Still I watch the door
Hoping you want me
I've got to confess
Your Memory Haunts Me

We had our year
I should be grateful
Year and a half
I should be thankful

You've got a new love
You left me behind
But I think about you
Half of the time
I think about how
You and I used to be
I've got to confess
Your Memory Haunts Me

Jim Colyer ascap

FUN CROWD

Fun Crowd
At Santa's tonight
Singing Beatles
Feeling right
Small group
Having fun
Won't quit
Til we're done

Fun Crowd
At Santa's tonight
Singing ABBA
Outta sight
Elton John
Benny and the Jets
Dancing Queen
Taking all bets

I wish that girl
With the legs had stayed
I was ready to pounce
When she walked away

Fun Crowd
At Santa's tonight
Singing Beatles
Feeling right
Dive bar
Best in town
If you're here
Come around

Jim Colyer ascap

70s GIRLS

70s Girls were something to see
We saw them there on our TVs
Catherine Bach as Daisy Duke
Loved to watch her sexy strut
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman
Gave wet dreams to every man
Lynda's cleavage drove me wild
She kicked *** in 70s style

I can't forget Susan Anton
A five-foot-eleven Amazon
She had blonde hair, big blue eyes
That Golden Girl blew my mind
Charlie's Angels on the tube
Jacklyn Smith sure was cute
Farrah Fawcett had that hair
She was our 70s poster girl

Show stoppers
Jaw droppers
Show stoppers
Eye poppers

70S Girls were something to see
We saw them there on our TVs
You may recall Valerie Perrine
Man, those legs were so divine
Teri Garr and the ABBA girls
Agnetha and Frida rocked my world
So did Olivia Newton-John
Jenny Agutter in Logan's Run

Jim Colyer ascap

SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY

Seems like yesterday
I was 21
Jim Morrison
Summer of love
Seems like yesterday
I was 33
Gerry Rafferty
Baker Street

Seems Like Yesterday
Where did it go?
Pretty soon
I'll be old
Seems Like Yesterday
I was a kid
Pretty soon
I'll be dead

Seems Like Yesterday
Shania Twain
Come On Over
In my brain
I turned 70
Singing Girl Crush
Slow down, man
What's the rush?

Seems Like Yesterday
Where did it go?
Pretty soon
I'll be old
Seems Like Yesterday
I was a kid
Pretty soon
I'll be dead

Can't give up
Gotta keep trying
Sure seems like
Time keeps flying

Seems Like Yesterday
Where did it go?
Pretty soon
I'll be old
Seems Like Yesterday
I was a kid
Pretty soon
I'll be dead

Jimcolyer.com

HONG KONG OR BUST

I hate those airports
Those security lines
They single me out
Every damn time
But I'll go anyway
Up Victoria Peak
To old Hong Kong
They can't stop me

Hong Kong Or Bust
4 days and 3 nights
Learn some Chinese
See all the sights
Those Chinese girls
They make me lust
Ready or not
Hong Kong Or Bust

Victoria Harbor
As seen from the Peak
My friend, Big Buddha
He's such a geek
Eat lots of noodles
Ride the Star Ferry
Find a young girl
Maybe get married

Hong Kong Or Bust
4 days and 3 nights
Learn some Chinese
See all the sights
Those Chinese girls
They make me lust
Ready or not
Hong Kong Or Bust

Gotta be careful
with the TSA
Them jerks might try
To ruin my day

Hong Kong Or Bust
4 days and 3 nights
Learn some Chinese
See all the sights
Those Chinese girls
They make me lust
Ready or not
Hong Kong Or Bust

jimcolyer.com

THIS IS LIKE TORTURE

She gets him down on the floor
In her Wonder Woman outfit
She spanks him with her Fli-Back
Cos she knows he loves it
She spanks him til he laughs
She spanks him til he screams
She spanks him til he cries
She spanks him til he creams

This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture

He calls her Mrs. Peel
Cos she knows how to avenge
She's a true dominatrix
Cos she gets her way with men
He's just a little boy
Laying across her lap
She takes off her belt
Uses it as a strap

This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture

I was just a novice
When she took hold of me
Got my initiation
In the ways of B&D

This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture

This Is Like Torture
This is like heaven
This is like ecstasy
This Is Like Torture

$2 COFFEE

Waffle House
Saturday morning
They got a new menu
Without warning

Just pour me some
Of that $2 Coffee
You know the price
Of food is awful
That ***** won't even
Gimme a refill
There'll be no tip
Added to the bill

Cracker Barrel
On Sunday night
Can't afford to eat
The price ain't right

I remember when
Coffee was a dime
Now it's multiplied
Twenty times

Just pour me some
Of that $2 Coffee
You know the price
Of food is awful
That ***** won't even
Gimme a refill
There'll be no tip
Added to the bill

JimColyer.com