Haiku

You're getting quick, Frankie

rain
peace falling
on us

On us
Lies the onus
Arms

Superb play with words. I applaud!

arms
all around me
holding

Holding
Tight the branch
Small wren

small wren
sleeping marshland
bare song

Originally Posted by OrchestraInside

Superb play with words. I applaud!

Thank you!

_ _ _ _ _

Holding
Tiny orbs in straw
Bird nests

_ _ _ _ _


Bare song
Floats on crystal air
Winter night

winter night
darkness shining white
candlelight

Candlelight
Oh! fairest of gleams
Cast me young!


Or


Candlelight
Oh! fairest of gleams
Illumine me!


Or


Candlelight
Oh! fairest of gleams, bathe
Me with youth!

. . .


My meaning is "make me younger!"
I rather like the last--which do you prefer? Choose the one you like best.

I like #2 best Frankie

When I saw "candlelight" in email, my mind started spinning & spawning. I changed line 3 several times, thinking on multiple paths; the light, the smell of a candle burning and just blown out, and several parallel thoughts on "windsong":

candlelight
stirred by a windsong
breathe on me

Originally Posted by OrchestraInside

That's a nice 1-1-1, Frankie Short senryus are IMHO good for cryptic, multilayered messages, so maybe try to free yourself from "fitting a message" into your poem and go for the more abstract.

Dear OI and others,

I very much appreciate this observation. As I contemplate what OI wrote, my eyes are opened to new creative possibilities. Prior to that, I saw 1-1-1 as nearly meaningless; now I understand that even the 1-1-1 which I wrote, can be perceived in many different ways. So . . . for this glimpse into new possiblities and a more positive outlook, I thank you.

Originally Posted by MoonRide*r*

I like #2 best Frankie

Thanks for your choice, Moon!

Originally Posted by MoonRide*r*

When I saw "candlelight" in email, my mind started spinning & spawning. I changed line 3 several times, thinking on multiple paths; the light, the smell of a candle burning and just blown out, and several parallel thoughts on "windsong":

candlelight
stirred by a windsong
breathe on me

Moon, Beautiful haiku! At first I thought it was OI, who is very good at them (but he's now offline)! I will begin the next haiku with your last line. Would you, then put in bold your last line? Then we can begin again!

Breathe on me,
Expiration of leaves,
Impart life

Thanks for stepping in, Moon! And with a really beautiful piece, too. I really didn't know how to pick up any of Frankie's lines, lol Not your fault Frankie, I guess I was just getting too tired.

impart life
upon the decayed
forever

Frankie, sorry I didn't get back on last night
Thanks Noor
OI, de nada, me gusta!

forever
fickle father time
rolling on

rolling on
in the waves of time:
I, stardust

Man I love that lead-in...

I, stardust
sprinkling on her dreams
soul kisses

That love is pouring out of every orifice you have, Moon It's beautiful, and I'll admit I'm jealous - not of Tess, of the love itself.

soul kisses
bubbling everywhere
inside me

If I may wax philosophic: The "secret ingredient" is living for years without, but never giving up on the possibility. So when (not if?) it walks in your door, you won't turn it away just coz you gave up believing.
We have a 32-year-old female friend on another site who finally realized this past spring that there was more between her 25-yo male "best buddy" than just friendship. She questioned the fact that he was 7 years younger, but both Tess and I said "So what? It just is what it is." They're a beautiful couple now, and it's a wonderful sight to see.

inside me
questions never die
answers live

answers live
between our whithers
and our whys

and our whys
raise the consciousness
beyond thought


-or-


and our whys
push the consciousness
past reason


reader's choice