Haiku

thoughts
please
don't

Thoughts
Drip, drip
Gone

gone
homeward
nest

Nest
Of many babies
Octomom

Just kidding . . .


Nest
Sticks, straw, leaves
Return


So sayeth the one whose birds have launched and whose (some) grandbirds are attempting to do the same . . .

That Octomom crack is a Classic!I'd almost forgotten what a great sense of humor you possess.

Return
My love of life and of you
My darling forever

It was a duplicate post,that's why it was deleted,in case you care!

I'm feeling ignored

If its any consolation I saw yours

My darling forever
- don't -
Stay

At least I wasn't imagining things. Thanks for cramming it in

ignored
like a slum toddler
deep shame

Originally Posted by OrchestraInside

I'm feeling ignored

So sorry, OI! I didn't see your post til today when I clicked on "ignored!" Sometimes I have the computer on while doing other things; if a new post comes in, it won't show up . . . then I post. I'll have to remember to "refresh" to pick up on any posts made in the meantime. Apologies--would never intentionally ignore you!

Ignored
Sharp knife thrusts
Wounded


. . .


Deep shame
Flower huddled in shade
Weeping


. . .

FROM DOUG: That Octomom crack is a Classic! I'd almost forgotten what a great sense of humor you possess.

Frankie: Whoa . . . Then I've been far too serious lately!

DOUG: It was a duplicate post,that's why it was deleted, in case you care!

Yeh, I care. You satisfied my curiosity! I am a nosey-kins sometimes!

Should we perhaps try to get back on track with haiku/senryu as "painted word pictures"?
And less interjecting of "self" into the mix? For example, as OI earlier brought out:

Drawing the picture; leaving the judgment, feelings, up to the reader?

We haven't ventured too far from this, but maybe we can creep back in that direction!

--------------

Hey! wait a minute . . . we've gotten off the "3rd-line pick-up!" I'll try again:


Stay
There! blackened clouds
Don't cry

No, Frankie,I actually hopped over Vivas' "stay" referring to O.I's "ignored", I am the culprit. Sorry Viva, not meant to ignore you at all

@Frankie: you have a point there: we must try to draw a picture - as Japanese love to do- and leaving room for vivid interpretation.
THANKS for putting us back on track

No worries Frankie, stuff happens I was mainly amused, it's not unusual to post parallelly but it's unusual that none of the subsequent posters notice the first poem either.

Yes, photography is the key. I personally feel I need to read more right now, I'll write more once I feel like it.

I felt I must share this with you - endlessly hilarious!

Nobly, the great priest
deposits his daily stool
in bleak winter fields

- Buson

Yes, well, I like to put Japanese art on a higher scale. The fact is, it is very down-to-earth and funny at times! Now THAT draws a picture!

Most of my recently posted assorted thoughts qualify as senryu/haiku, but I don't want to double-post... here's the link:

http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/po...tml#post985738

Facepalm

They have a devilishly sharp sense of humour - that juxtaposing of the high and noble with the daily stools is simply priceless!

Agreed! That juxtapositioning (two opposing/contrasting things brought together) is what I tried to explain at the beginning of the thread. How much better is presenting an example! This classic haiku accomplishes it so well! Capturing the contrast is much more difficult to really achieve, and makes it an art! Thank you for this example! . . . Let this not deter or intimidate us, however! We are practicing!


UPDATE: 3rd line of last poem =

Don't cry

don't cry
lessons to be learned
laugh loud





now I am not only struggling with my own poetry , but also with senryu/haiku