my first rap.... please read

Images cloud my mind of the burnside bridge burn'in and the **** the world be serv'in makes

my stomach be turn'in.

Life is harsh and MF'in dirty no car no food and damn I'm thristy.

With all these *****es tell'in you when where and how and now like herd of cow

you gotta keep your head above the water...not be a satistic....like walking to the slaughter.

I find myself in this stiuation, my occupation????... you can kiss my *** when you hear my lyrics

on the radio station.

Run'in the streets like a lock down prison, Behold I have risen. from beyond the crave and

and when I wave I wave with my middle finger extended, Intented... to be offended as they

pretended to be real, I feel a dark force take corse. Riding apon a black horse.

It's automatic, eratic... you get static walk'in thru the door... *****es and *****s like

star wars.

Darth Vader...Swing'in my mike like a life Sabier and never ever will I sever my ties to the

skies all the BS and lies, And the cycle will it ever die?

Why ask why? and cry? tears runn'in from your eyes with hammy down jeans no greens,

dollar bills popp'in pills crack kills. When you spange for change - get rearranged, De-ranged -

spun it was fun -It's done and I'm not the one... with the ruckus... you say **** us... and I still

hit ya harder than **** Butkus. I'll come attcha like a King Kong erection the refletion,

Complection with a world wide connection.

I the seeker... Like the Grand reaper...will Alternate your state of mind open it up and you will

find your fate straight to the gate but wait....

I'm about to translate. Bust a ryme, chyme....Trans-form like Octamus-Prime And when I spit I

shine... Blam! heres your sign because I was doing this **** before time.

Originally Posted by gunsofarsenal

please you would come and TRY and kick my a**???????? lol thats the best sh*t you have ever said including your punk a** sh*t why don't you grow a hair and f*cking get off the sauce b*tch f*ckin go shoot up and dream a little more about your sh*t getting discovered thats all it was is and will be A DREAMMMMMMMMM b*tch and ahhhhhh BTW you wanting to kick my a** is a dream too b*tch you have no clue what I have done who I am or sh*t about where I come from ........so before you go poppin off that C*nt mouth of yours you better come wanting to murder my a** cause if I ever saw you on a freak chance your front teeth will be eating f*ckin roadside curbish and I'd f*ck you up so bad you would look like a dude I was told never to hit a lady but then by the time I got through with your stupid c*nt a** tno one would know your a f*ckin b*tch.....never threaten me again you f*cking c*ntrag fergie wannabe A** wh*re....or be able to back it the f*ck up

I'm not gonna comment on the fact that you're arguing on the internet but I will offer you an opinion on the rap you posted at the beginning of this thread.

I'm not hating so just see this as constructive before you have a fit and throw your tampons at me.

These lyrics have no flow, I tried rapping them in bars and it just can't be done, you need to familiarise yourself with the concept of a beat and with the practice of writing in bars of 4 so that your lyrics hold flow. Also, the places you choose to press enter make no sense, they're often in the middle of a sentence. Stop double spacing and leaving gaps between your lines because it's distracting and takes the focus off of the lyrics.

As for content, you spend it talking about your skills on the mic and it looks tacky as you just haven't backed it up with good lyrics. Even if you were the best lyricist in the world, no one wants to hear you say how awesome you are at rap. When you rap you should rap about something that inspires you. When you feel strongly for something you rap about it, rap a message to your audience and express a strong feeling such as hate.

Next up your rhyme schemes are weak, they are plain and uninteresting, try expanding your vocabulary and incorporating some interesting and uncommon words. Also, stop swearing so much, if you put one swear word in a rap it will have more impact that 50 swears added together. Find other words in stead of swear words and use your swear words minimally to give maximum impact.

Finally, improve you spelling ad grammar, whether that means you write into Microsoft word and spell check it or you get some one to read over it for you. No rap is good when the rappers delinquency shines through the gaps in his literary ability.


No one in this forum is afraid of you because at your current skill you honestly have no chance of posing a threat to any one, when some one insults your work, learn from it and make yourself stronger. Stop trying to out rap people that you are not better than.