Adhorrence of the Powers (hardcore punk song, not finished)

Ok, so this song is about politicians going back on their word and promising things that they know they cannot achieve, which if you live in England like me you'd know that happens a lot.

This isn't quite finished yet, so bare with me. It will be mostly shouted to a very fast paced simple guitar riff. Just give me your general thoughts so far.

***************************************
Everything you say
Everything you do
Everything you stand for
I hate every single thing about you

Your priorities don't even matter to yourself,
why should we listen to a single word your lying mouth speaks?
The people who handed you your power and their trust,
Now stand hopelessly obstructing your cross-hairs

{quite just drums and bass beat}
Shut your ****ing mouth
Just shut your ****ing mouth
{back to fast riff}

Empty promises don't live out their demise,
Every Noise you make is another i despise,
Every smile i see is fake,
This poor parade gets poorer by the day,

{breakdown}
How do you sleep with yourself at night,
In your cold blooded bed?
How do you sleep with yourself at night,
In your cold blooded bed?

***************************************

I'm going to think of at least another verse to go after the "Empty promises don't live out their demise, Every Noise you make is another i despise..." bit. I've checked and the rhythm nicely fits in with the riffs i have written. but i want to keep it short, fast and angry.


If you're going to say you hate it, at least give me some sought of pointer as to what you don't like as i know this wont be everyone's cup of tea.

Hey this pretty good im into the hardcore punk stuff to

Yeah I like it, too. I am also into music like this.

Thanks for the feedback guys, sounds like i'm going down the right track.

Slight improvements:

***************************************
Everything you say,
Everything you do,
Everything you stand for,
I hate every single thing about you

Your priorities don't even matter to yourself,
why should we listen to a single word your lying mouth speaks?
The people who handed you your power and their trust,
Now stand hopelessly obstructing your cross-hairs

{quite just drums and bass beat}
Shut your ****ing mouth
Just shut your ****ing mouth
{back to fast riff}

Empty promises don't live out their demise,
Every Noise you make is another i despise,
Every smile i see is fake,
This poor parade gets poorer by the day,

You're just another statistic,
Of the rich feeding from the poor,
Now we're on the same level,
How about you drain me a little more?

You think your expensive schooling,
Has acquainted you with the real world?
How about you climb down to our level,
And breath in our real air?

{quite just drums and bass beat}
Shut your ****ing mouth
Just shut your ****ing mouth

{breakdown}
How do you sleep with yourself at night,
In your cold blooded bed?
How do you sleep with yourself at night,
With your cold blooded head?

***************************************

Bump.
Anyone got any comments on the updated version?