Sexist

This is a song that me and my group are writing. This is what I have planned for my verse (keep in mind that I'm only thirteen, so I may not be the best rapper):

So I loved a chick, and she loved how I spit
Loved how I spat, yeah, you know that's true, trick
We had a relationship but of course you just ruined it
You push me, I shove you, that's why they call me sexist

It bothers me when you hit on my best friend
But my best friend's a chick too, so I guess then
You lesbian, correction, you bi, your selection
Is so very different from what I see around, caught my attention

Your uniqueness, gave me an erection
Your deception, made me feel so very helpless
I felt that, I was being held, so tight
That I turned red, from all the pain and all of the affection

So the lesson I learned is to not trust any girl
That crap gets too intense, it all just becomes a whirl
Becomes a spin, becomes a flight, just becomes a giant fight
Then all the bright colors fade, it all just becomes black and white


So what do you think?
My name is Steven. Just thought I'd add that for no apparent reason whatsoever.



Chili cheese waffles.
Thank you ahead of time.

This is alright man, but it definitely needs flow. Try to rap in sixteen bars if you know what that is. Pay attention to a lot of rap songs, and most rappers rap in sixteen bars even in songs. Don't forget you don't have to rhyme at the end of every line, you can do it like:
I'm The boogeyman hiding under your bed waiting to chop off yo head
Slowly creepin in the dark just waitin all chill with my knife
Come up and just do one quick slit to end your life
Walk away as you bleed onto the floor until your dead.
Kind of a bad example, but you should get the idea, and you don't have to rhyme at all if it still has good flow. Go look at some of my old posts and Jeffs posts, he posted examples in most of mine of what to do and what not to do. He helped me out a lot, but keep writing and don't give up man.

Originally Posted by Tyler6270

This is alright man, but it definitely needs flow. Try to rap in sixteen bars if you know what that is. Pay attention to a lot of rap songs, and most rappers rap in sixteen bars even in songs. Don't forget you don't have to rhyme at the end of every line, you can do it like:
I'm The boogeyman hiding under your bed waiting to chop off yo head
Slowly creepin in the dark just waitin all chill with my knife
Come up and just do one quick slit to end your life
Walk away as you bleed onto the floor until your dead.
Kind of a bad example, but you should get the idea, and you don't have to rhyme at all if it still has good flow. Go look at some of my old posts and Jeffs posts, he posted examples in most of mine of what to do and what not to do. He helped me out a lot, but keep writing and don't give up man.

Okay, thanks.

But it is sixteen bars, I'll put extra lines between every four. And I'll try all of that, thanks.

Hey no problem man, i think I had trouble seeing the 16 bars because some of the lines are like 2 lines trying to be shoved into one. If you want them shorter look up a word that can equal up to three man, don't be afraid to look **** up. Just remember if you do it for real you won't have that, so only do it to learn.

Okeyday. Thank you.

I find it difficult to adjust someone else's rap, but here is what I would've done with it:

So I loved this chick, and she digged how I spit
In it to get wicked with it, she knows I'm the shxt
Had a relationship, but of course u ruined it
Push me, I shove u bxtch, call me the Sexist

It bothers me when u intend to hit on my best friend
My best friend ain't no man, so I guess then
You're a lesbian, correction, ur bi, your selection
Is so infective, oh yes, I felt the connection

Your sexy perfection gave me an erection
Your deception, made me me change my direction
I felt that I was bein' held too tight
Like a dog on a leash, but i had to bite

So the lesson I learned, is not to trust even the nicest girl
Burned my xss once, but there's no twice in my world
If u rehearse, U can fxck me once, that's a first
But I'm fxckin' you in the second AND the third verse

Originally Posted by Molotova

I find it difficult to adjust someone else's rap, but here is what I would've done with it:

So I loved this chick, and she digged how I spit
In it to get wicked with it, she knows I'm the shxt
Had a relationship, but of course u ruined it
Push me, I shove u bxtch, call me the Sexist

It bothers me when u intend to hit on my best friend
My best friend ain't no man, so I guess then
You're a lesbian, correction, ur bi, your selection
Is so infective, oh yes, I felt the connection

Your sexy perfection gave me an erection
Your deception, made me me change my direction
I felt that I was bein' held too tight
Like a dog on a leash, but i had to bite

So the lesson I learned, is not to trust even the nicest girl
Burned my xss once, but there's no twice in my world
If u rehearse, U can fxck me once, that's a first
But I'm fxckin' you in the second AND the third verse

Ah, dammit, as much as I loved that, I can't use it because it's yours. Now I'm jealous.

That was great.

Originally Posted by Newbie01

Ah, dammit, as much as I loved that, I can't use it because it's yours. Now I'm jealous.

That was great.

It's still yours, I just adjusted it. U can still use it.