My first rap. Please rate

Hello I am new on here. I am an aspiring rapper. I have been writing for about 8 months now and was wondering if you could give me feedback on this rap I came up when I had just started writing. I will post my more recent raps soon

Verse 1:
Pretty girl walking down the street,
U got the flow of a hip hop beat
Cause Im dancing 2 your tune
Wherever u go u got me followin ur feet.
Cause there’s something bout you that seems so unique
Something sexy about a girl who’s hard to reach,
That I cant help myself but come over and speak.
So why don’t you stop my suffering and let us meet.
I could ask how u doin take u out 4 a treat,
Then we could go back and chill at my suite,
and if your tired of all the lies girl,
I got a bed where you might wanna sleep.
Or you can get in the front seat of my ride,
let me take you places be your tour guide,
We can spend the day by each other’s side
Don’t misunderstand me cuz my feelins are bonafide

Chorus (x2) :
I really wanna know the girl
behind those lovely clothes ur wearin
So give me a chance
May be jus turn and let me know how well im farin

Verse 2:

And I know there guys out there actin way too smart
U can tell they only preyin from the start,
But trust me cause I aint playin with your heart,
Don’t judge me cause of them cause Im miles apart.
I’ma be there for you till the end I guarantee,
I was told love at first sight exists apparently.
Ok I guess maybe im exaggeratin,
but I just cant hide the feelings inside, your generatin.
Cause your the type of girl I want to be datin,
I see somethin real special in the makin,
and I love the way u've styled ur hair,
Its gonna be a new fashion ur creatin.
Sporting a glowing smile where ever you go,
that attitude is kinda commendable.
I can tell by the way you put yourself about,
That you want a guy who's sensible.

Chorus (x2) :
I really wanna know the girl
behind those lovely clothes ur wearin
So give me a chance
May be jus turn and let me know how well im farin

You have dope lyrics not personally my style but you def got potential yoh keep it up

Safe man you seem like a rapper yourself. I cant freestyle or come up with good punchlines but I can rhyme well and come up with decent metaphors here and there so I just focus on that for now. I got some more recent lyrics will post soon let me know what you think

If you're rapping for 8 months now, and this is what u come up with, I think you should consider stopping. It's a nice story, and your last words rhyme, but it's not because the last words rhyme, that it will flow. Don't be afraid to play with words.

I didnt come up with this after 8 months of writing. This was one of my very first songs so I kept it very simple. I will post my more recent lyrics soon to see what people think and get a better idea of how far I've come.

I edited the first part.

Pretty chick, hittin' the street,
Got my heart skippin' a beat,
She looks smart & even sweet
Sounds like music to my ears
Cause I'm dancin' to ur tune,
Wherever u go, u got me followin' ur feet,
She's got the flow, hollows in her cheeks
Something about you that seems too unique,
Is this a fling or am I already in too deep ?
Something sexy about a girl who’s hard to reach,
That I cant help myself, see, but come over and speak,
A freshly created speech, just so you'd believe
U should heal my injuries and let us meet,
Ask u how u doin' boo, take u out for a treat,
Do me, I do you, something I'm willing to repeat
Or we could still get back and chill at my suite,
Fo real, we could do stuff so discrete,
After that, Get in the front seat of my ride,
Baby, we can go worldwide if you like
And if u're new in town, I'll be ur tour guide,
Let me show u around, in- and outside
We can spend the day by each other’s side,
So that I'm able to find all the beauty inside
Don’t misunderstand me, I want you to be my wife
I'll be your man, see, 'cuz my feelings are bona fide

jaskailey88 you have style i really like your lyrics have you tried that with a beat

Hey molotova I've edited it. Let me know what you think but I didnt wanna use any of your lyrics as they were your lyrics. And thanks again big mike but no I havent. I had a beat in mind tho

It's niiice ! Too bad you edited it in the original version, that way I can't compare them, but I like it. I also like the way you shortened your phrases, that way it flows easier. Nice job.

Thankyou for liking it It means alot coming from you

Well thank you, I'm flattered. You still haven't told me where you're from though.

Originally Posted by jaskailey88

Hello I am new on here. I am an aspiring rapper. I have been writing for about 8 months now and was wondering if you could give me feedback on this rap I came up when I had just started writing. I will post my more recent raps soon

Originally Posted by jaskailey88

Verse 1:
Pretty girl walking down the street,
U got the flow of a hip hop beat
Cause Im dancing 2 your tune
Wherever u go u got me followin ur feet.
Cause there’s something bout you that seems so unique
Something sexy about a girl who’s hard to reach,
That I cant help myself but come over and speak.
So why don’t you stop my suffering and let us meet.
I could ask how u doin take u out 4 a treat,
Then we could go back and chill at my suite,
and if your tired of all the lies girl,
I got a bed where you might wanna sleep.
Or you can get in the front seat of my ride,
let me take you places be your tour guide,
We can spend the day by each other’s side
Don’t misunderstand me cuz my feelins are bonafide

Chorus (x2) :
I really wanna know the girl
behind those lovely clothes ur wearin
So give me a chance
May be jus turn and let me know how well im farin

Verse 2:

And I know there guys out there actin way too smart
U can tell they only preyin from the start,
But trust me cause I aint playin with your heart,
Don’t judge me cause of them cause Im miles apart.
I’ma be there for you till the end I guarantee,
I was told love at first sight exists apparently.
Ok I guess maybe im exaggeratin,
but I just cant hide the feelings inside, your generatin.
Cause your the type of girl I want to be datin,
I see somethin real special in the makin,
and I love the way u've styled ur hair,
Its gonna be a new fashion ur creatin.
Sporting a glowing smile where ever you go,
that attitude is kinda commendable.
I can tell by the way you put yourself about,
That you want a guy who's sensible.

Chorus (x2) :
I really wanna know the girl
behind those lovely clothes ur wearin
So give me a chance
May be jus turn and let me know how well im farin

I got bored, so I wrote a 'response', gave it a little Indian touch at the end since I thought u'd like that


See me lookin' pretty, flaunt it down the street
I be real witty, U know u be wantin' all of me
I got the flow of a beat plus I got soul, I'm deep
I got pro's to defeat and I have a goal to reach
U say I seem unique, maybe I'm the one u seek
Because when u speak, baby it's like you do me
Lyrical intercourse for philosophic needs
Physical chores come afterwards, it's logically
U wanna be my guide though I ain't new in town
But ayo let's ride, I'm like I'll show you around
Take u places and then erase our traces
Make you face the basis and then let you chase it
Now I don't trust anything with nuts, but
just shut up and give me time, I must adjust
to the idea that you and me would be we
What about the dowry ? How many rupees would that be ?