It's Time - New rap with a hook and title this time :)

This song was born out of a school closure due to snow here in England. It's simply about a future large problem like global warming or something like that, I suppose it could apply to other ones as well but this, I feel, is most relevant. I'm pleased 'cos this has a title and a hook so this is actually my first lyrics that would make a rap song. As ever, tell me what you think, and don't refrain from criticism, I need to know if they're good or not:

(Verse 1)
The days are nearly over
Time to loose the truce and declare I'm clearly sober
We're try'na figure out about the situation
And bring along a stop to the devastation
I'm a man on a mission with a different*vision
Looking to make an incision in the mystery of indecision
To find the evidence in precision of the thing that's arisen
And remove us from the inevitable prison
And this will never go away 'cos it'll stay
Until it makes us pay on any other day
'cause a fray we can't avert
And make us hurt 'cos we caught un-alert
For sure we'll claim the pain were not our fault
An athlete failing the vault 'cos he weren't "taught"
But we were taught enough
And this stuff, was caused by us, so tough

(Hook x1)
It's time to refine the ways
It's time to number the days
It's time to inspect the Earth
Define the ground beneath the turf

(Verse 2)
Under the sun the time has come
For the fun to stop and the bars undone
To check for the sources of error
And the reason for the treason and the causes of terror
'cos never in ever did I think of this
The pleasure forever that I sorely miss
The ticket to the cricket gone like the wind
And the light of the life gone down to dim
And I never thought it would get to this marker
The world going off and the truth getting darker
But somehow I never thought of it
In the mind it never got to this bit
Maybe I never predicted demise
Or I kept the hope within the light of the eyes
I thought that on the other side
I could preside over the change of the tide

(Hook x1)
It's time to refine the ways
It's time to number the days
It's time to inspect the Earth
Define the ground beneath the turf

(Verse 3)
It's now we need the essence of speed
To overcome the deadly deed to lead
Us back across the track we came to regain what we lost
But not all the lives we tossed aside this travel we cost
Come back from the brink of destruction
Move back to the normal disruption
Get back to the daily life
And have the grandkids, the kid and wife
But never again shall the world stay the same
We'll never refrain to remember the pain
Like those destroyed by the plane deployed
At Hiroshima 'cos the Yanks got annoyed
But for now we have to lead the recovery
Back towards the land of discovery
And never forget when we met such a time
We still find the rhyme to get back in line

(Hook x1)
It's time to refine the ways
It's time to number the days
It's time to inspect the Earth
Define the ground beneath the turf

Any feedback?

None at all?

I think this is really good! :-) Flows very well too. I defo do like it especially this bit "I'm a man on a mission with a different vision looking to make an incision in the mystery of indecision"Nice use of in rhymes with a powerful message as well.

it's pretty good, but don't use cause so much, it gets cluttered up a few times

i thought it was good the rhymes werent insanley complex so it could flow better and ya paced it good i enjoyed readin it :P

but as for the topic... verse 2 for me just didnt make any sense... just couldnt understand it...

"And the reason for the treason and the causes of terror"

terror... what terror? what treason? totally lost...

to be honest i dont believe in all this "end of the world global warming" **** - and NOTHING will ever ever stop anyone ever from polluting this planet and keeping the poor poor...

it will always be this way and thats that - what you should be writtin about in my opinion is somethin thats actually important to you in your life, something you wanna change in your own life - when i write, i never write about the world as a whole, because i dont care. i care about my problems and my life, not everyone elses, and why should i? i have problems, and right now, there a damn sight more important that the sun blowing up or the weather - i could give a **** bout that - what i care about is how i feel everyday and why i feel that why - if your rhymin about global warming etc... do you really have anything to tell us thats specific to you as a person...?

im rantin its nothin personal just my opinion keep it up tho like i said liked the flow and the structure and nice ya got a hook goin i can NEVER write a hook id have to collab or something! lol!

Originally Posted by dannyday58218195

i thought it was good the rhymes werent insanley complex so it could flow better and ya paced it good i enjoyed readin it :P

but as for the topic... verse 2 for me just didnt make any sense... just couldnt understand it...

"And the reason for the treason and the causes of terror"

terror... what terror? what treason? totally lost...

to be honest i dont believe in all this "end of the world global warming" **** - and NOTHING will ever ever stop anyone ever from polluting this planet and keeping the poor poor...

it will always be this way and thats that - what you should be writtin about in my opinion is somethin thats actually important to you in your life, something you wanna change in your own life - when i write, i never write about the world as a whole, because i dont care. i care about my problems and my life, not everyone elses, and why should i? i have problems, and right now, there a damn sight more important that the sun blowing up or the weather - i could give a **** bout that - what i care about is how i feel everyday and why i feel that why - if your rhymin about global warming etc... do you really have anything to tell us thats specific to you as a person...?

im rantin its nothin personal just my opinion keep it up tho like i said liked the flow and the structure and nice ya got a hook goin i can NEVER write a hook id have to collab or something! lol!

If everybody thought like this, the world would be even more polluted. And right now you might not care, but when you face death, I think you'll start caring, only then it will be too late. Eventually this is a matter of life and death, the problems you're personally dealing with are not, so you figure out for yourself what is more important ... I'm sick of reading raps about guys chasin' their dxck, guns, bxtches and money. That's why I'm always glad to see something REAL appear up in here. Anyway, good lyric Jfam, U know u got my vote.

Hey thanks, always nice to have a fan. This IS the only rap I've done like this, most are a bit more concise in subject. Anyway, thanks guys ( and girls)

Originally Posted by Molotova

If everybody thought like this, the world would be even more polluted. And right now you might not care, but when you face death, I think you'll start caring, only then it will be too late. Eventually this is a matter of life and death, the problems you're personally dealing with are not, so you figure out for yourself what is more important ... I'm sick of reading raps about guys chasin' their dxck, guns, bxtches and money. That's why I'm always glad to see something REAL appear up in here. Anyway, good lyric Jfam, U know u got my vote.

so your saying... the problems im personally dealing with are not life and death... well... thats your opinion... to be honest, your wrong though.

secondly - it makes no ****in difference who cares about global warming and all that **** - lemme put it like this - imagine your a third world country, and your tryin to ****in hardest to become a proper developing nation... believe me youll ****in struggle - the so - called "west" will make sure any loan or so called "aid" they give out will carry huge interest be it in cash or resources - youll be slapped for trying to develop anything that makes abit of pollution, but you dont have the technological know how to produce smoke less fuel and blah blah - so what do you do? you go to the next, which is nuclear - only to be promptly most likley accused by the "west" or developing nuclear weapons - only for the "west" to pedal it back to us stupid public here who then think "yay our governments stopping nuclear arms development, and yay they gave loads of money to some country in africa"

so you as a third world country you will NEVER win - so the rich stay rich, and the poor stay poor - live aid? comic relief? jesus how many years?! how many more years of this constant "save the poor" "end world hunger" bullshit are we gonna get?!

but my point remains. No one really cares. People care about their own lives in their own environment and everything stays within the "out of sight out of mind" psychology. Its that simple. People here care about their bills, picking the kids up from school, visiting grandma, getting the newest phone etc... if you stopped them amist all that, they pedal you some crap about third world debt (caused to a nice extent by our own governments) and world hunger (which is convienant because we dont want a developed nation becoming an enemy - keep them weak and keep them down) - then off they go to do some crack or take an exam or shag the wife or wank over porn...

so whats important to me? me. im decensitised to all this political propoganda shite about hunger poverty etc ive seen it all in the news since i was a kid and it never ends and it never will. I studied alot of history and social geography, combined with that and the fact im a hugley cynical **** who doesnt believe ANYTHING at face value... i dont care.

depression is selfish. so **** everyone else, all i care about... is me. which btw is why i dont have a girlfriend or... many friends.