I get paid for a weekend what you get paid in a week,
Try be brave at da door i work an get laid in da street,
I don't take no bullsh*t in any f*cking shape or form,
If needs must then into my own hands il take the law,
I will drag you out the back door then break ya jaw...
You'll awaken sore, What da f*ck do ya take me for?
Some push over doorman your girl can sweet talk?
You best jog-on lad while you have ya feet to walk!
Believe ya size doesn't matter if i hit da sweet spot...
I don't mean da crotch! i wont commit a cheap shot,
They notice quickly if i don't keep my eye on the ball,
Stay focused, it only takes one guy to start a brawl,
Either pi**ed, coked up or both? its so hard to call,
Tarts an all there probably more worse then males,
Cursed nails, high heel attacks if the disperse fails!
Lets just hope ya have money in that purse for bail.
To be continued...
JD
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Doorman's Rap (AKA Bouncer)... (Keystyle)
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Oh, I feel for you. You finally posted 16 bars written the way people wanted you to write and now no one is responding.
So lemme be the first.
Solid lyrics, interesting wordplay as always. Only thing I'm worried about is the whole context, were you out of subjects or is this something you really wanted to write ?
It's not something that's appealing to me.1 <3 -
Nice work JD. My only clear critique is in the 6th line, why not say "You'll wake up sore"? ... it usually throws me when Rap or Hip Hop (etc) use word forms that are a lil too fancy for the street
Molotova it's not something that I can get involved in either ... but JD I am curious how you might continue it. I would say it's fine as it is, with a coupla minor tweaks.
There is no glamour in sudden death, and nobody ever wins a war.
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Rockers Unite! => ROCK 'n' Roll Halls of Fame -
I will change the 6th bar it would sound better, the reason iv put "to be continued" is that i have 3 other 16 bar verses on the same subject, its the job i do so i had alot to say on it, i may make it a full song if i can put together a good hook...
Originally Posted by MoonRide42
Nice work JD. My only clear critique is in the 6th line, why not say "You'll wake up sore"? ... it usually throws me when Rap or Hip Hop (etc) use word forms that are a lil too fancy for the street
Molotova it's not something that I can get involved in either ... but JD I am curious how you might continue it. I would say it's fine as it is, with a coupla minor tweaks.
