look at me

Thread: look at me

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  1. amateurlyricist said:

    Default look at me

    I was nobody and you were nobody.
    But when we started to talk we became somebody.
    I looked at you hoping youíll look at me,
    And there I was snorting every time I see;

    I dunno y I like you..
    Y I want u..
    U r nothing like my dream guy;
    But I lose myself when I look into your eye.

    -Chorus-
    Itís just one glance I m waiting for u to see;
    I know I m not pretty, but I m someone uíd want to see.
    Oh look at me; look at me;
    Just one time;

    I wanted to impress you,
    But I dint know how to..
    I tried to talk to u; but you always ignore..
    Coz you had time only for the books that I abhor.

    I have waited long enuf,
    Thinking youíll take the time off;
    I tried to move on,
    But I just want us to go on..

    -Chorus -
    Itís just one glance I m waiting for u to see;
    I know I m not pretty, but I m someone youíd want to see.
    Oh look at me; look at me;
    Just one time.
     
  2. amateurlyricist said:

    Default

    Hi,
    this is de first time i have written some lyrics..
    So do read it, n post ur comments.
    I am completely open to criticism..
     
  3. greenpanda8868's Avatar

    greenpanda8868 said:

    Default

    Try not using nobody in the first sentence together, it sounds repetative. Try "I was invisible, you were a nobody." In the chorus, when rhyming, don't use the same word to tie in the lyrics; use maybe "but I'm somebody, you would want to meet." In the verses, use the same number of syllables in each line, it will help it become more smooth. But the idea and story behind the lyrics is awesome, it's so cool. I luv it! I wish I had written that. Work on the poetic grammar, but it's still really amazing.
     
  4. amateurlyricist said:

    Default

    Hey thanks a lot for the suggestions. They were very useful. I dunno much abt writing lyrics, these were some really useful tips.. I ll try to employ them.