Another rap lyric of mine which I'm feeling really good about at the moment which is basically me combining together many things I've learned over the past couple of months to create what I feel is one of my best raps to date. I'm wondering if you'll agree? This is at about 125-140 tempo I'd guess and many bars just flow onto the next one with a small pause or none at all. Any feedback please 'cos I'd actually like to have some on this one 'cos I'm really feeling it, unlike 2 or 3 of my previous raps which have had 0 comments or just comments from me bumping it up. Anyway, here it is:
A Dream
(Hook)
It's just a dream, what do you mean?
'cos sometimes dreams come true like you seen
On the TV, or on a CD
Or in a film with the magic all from a genie
But you're like: yeah, it's one in a million
Can't have luck, you're one in the billions
Who never give up, but always the doors shut
And got no fame as none ever shown up
(Verse 1)
All fame, that's what we hope for
In a world where we're all searching celebs up
But we all know we're never gonna get more
When we're near the doors are gonna close shut
Or we crash and burn before we get a close up
Smash, crash, poor, celebs they turn a nose up
What's in store? Mundane, the crappy shows up
We want more, the pay before it froze up
So we all want to have all the ball
The fun times call and shop at a stall
With flash big cash, living the high life
'cos hey sure, you know, the good is going well nice
And we all know we never gonna think twice
About what's up and clothing with a high price
'cos we all have the crazy, the dream
That big plan, the dreaming, the*scheme
(Hook)
It's just a dream, what do you mean?
'cos sometimes dreams come true like you seen
On the TV, or on a CD
Or in a film with the magic all from a genie
But you're like: yeah, it's one in a million
Can't have luck, you're one in the billions
Who never give up, but always the doors shut
And got no fame as none ever shown*up
(Verse 2)
Work hard, that's how you get by
Not in the cloud, your head up in the blue sky
You keep on, don't get unless you do try
Have no fear, keep dreaming - it'll be mine
But once you're there you work to keep the good place
Smash, bash, grind to stay within the good space
Then move on but stay along a good pace
Why race on? You got the time for good waste
Take on the dream, take on the scheme
Then crack on to where you could'a been
'cos this is the thing that you had always seen
This is it, the bigger self-esteem
Let's crack on, no time for little short breaks
You'll have long, if time for all the big steaks
Go take the beauty, that of which a dream makes
Just make sure, no chance for other re-takes
(Hook)
It's just a dream, what do you mean?
'cos sometimes dreams come true like you seen
On the TV, or on a CD
Or in a film with the magic all from a genie
But you're like: yeah, it's one in a million
Can't have luck, you're one in the billions
Who never give up, but always the doors shut
And got no fame as none ever shown up
(Verse 3)
Let's go wrap up the story of a dream time
Where all goes well, the story of a clean rhyme
No mistakes, so all of what you seen fine
Land of nod, the sleep for which it's been mine
'cos a place like that's become hard to see
And near no chance of that to ever be
So you know here we all would need a genie
Have no fear, the chance becoming weeny
Stay, ... life - just let it go by
We can dream of time within it goes high
Heads up now, we know it never be mine
What's up now, a dream - just let it go by
'cos what we get for stuff we always try
Is nothing here, the dreaming in your head lie
Flat, ... with nothing to show for
A life and gone, we never getting no more
(Hook)
It's just a dream, what do you mean?
'cos sometimes dreams come true like you seen
On the TV, or on a CD
Or in a film with the magic all from a genie
But you're like: yeah, it's one in a million
Can't have luck, you're one in the billions
Who never give up, but always the doors shut
And got no fame as none ever shown up
-
A dream - new rap
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Hmmm. I'm having many mixed feelings about this one. I enjoy it, but I don't think you should have opened with the hook, that's just in my opinion. I like the flow I mean it keeps going, but I don't like the fact of so many end rhymes, Like I enjoy them, but I was just looking through mine and realized I have a TON too, and I kind of don't like them all that much. I have been studying some other rappers, and some basic lyrics, yes I know get my own style, but I was trying to find why mine didn't sound good, and sounded somewhat cheesy, and I noticed it was my end rhymes. I think if you cut down on them a little bit, and did some more in rhymes, and some rhythm without rhymes, this would be an AMAZING rap, Although I do enjoy it a lot man. Keep up the good work, and I hope haters comment on your stuff for once!
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lol
i try but the thing i find with end-rhymes is that some work and some don't, and you're absolutely right, when they don't work they sound cheesy. I write my fair share of raps and always find some rhymes that just feel horrible and cringeworthy to rap, but i felt that this one was comfortable for me so i posted it. I have also studied other rappers and i have to say that maybe the rap styles we listen to are different? FOR THE RECORD, this is not an excuse. British rap, though the genre i write in is a sub-genre called electro-grime which is grime with some electro, techno, trance and pop elements in it and a more happy, energetic attitude; normally at a highish pace (120-140bpm i'd say is the norm) where end-rhymes are quite common, and for a 16-bar verse you can expect 16-12 end rhymes. The best also use rhymes in the middle of bars and many different rhyme schemes BUT in-rhymes kinda slow your flow down so instead of hitting loads of in-rhymes they hit end-rhymes but with a few switch-ups. I'll give an example of one from a song called Good Times - Roll Deep in which one of the rappers (Wiley) spits this 8-bar verse:
No fear, Good Times are here
When i come round the good times appear
Good Times are near
I like to live life like whether you're gone or good times are here
Where? Late night shopping on a Thurs-day
And i haul out more on a Birth-day
I'm always flying her foo >
when i wake up tomorrow gonna be in the first place
> simply means it rolls straight on to the next bar
You can see that there are in-rhymes in bars but they are accompanied by pauses which is what i mean. Still i get your point and they do sound cheesy when they're wrong and i have not yet got the hang of this yet - I ain't that experienced or good yet! I offer no excuses for it but i thought i might define the style
This does go back to what you said which is all what i'm trying to do, which means that is some good advice and thanks for taking the time It can be improved and i am gonna try getting a better rap out that doesn't stick to a similar rhyme scheme, more switched up rhymes like i said and some flow without rhymes.
If you're interested in my kinda artists look up: Professor Green, Roll Deep, Tinie Tempah, Devlin, N-Dubz, Skepta on YouTube 'cos they're the bigger and better names in the genre. I listen to others like Eminem, B.o.B but more British Hip-Hop and Grime -
Damn... that's a large reply! btw, thanks and i offer no excuses i wanna give some examples of my kinda stuff. I notice that many other artists in-rhyme loads but their slower paced music suits in-rhymes. My stuff's just a bit too quick for many in-rhymes so instead they just switch about where the rhymes happen