My second rap song about a girl

Theres this girl, Shes hijacked my mind
Shes like an angel and super model combined
Shes one of them girls thats impossible to find
And I thought to myself get too close and you'll end up getting declined.
Seein her made my heart beat too fast, her body was too defined
And her face just shined, I swear I wanted her to be mine.
The thought of her sent shivers down my spine
Doing something to harm her would be the worst crime.

And I cant even start to describe how she made feel
The way I got the butterflies all the time was just unreal
The thought of her being mine was so ****ing ideal
She span my mind around like a water wheel
When I daze at her walking from a distance my jaw always dropped.
And when i knew she acknowledged my existance my heart always stopped.
She was so perfect, no disrespect, she always had me instantly erect
I couldnt never even find a defect. or maybe I should get my eyes rechecked
incorrect, she looks better than those fakes with special effects

Babe, honestly, you everything I ever wished for
Theres nothing about you that I dont adore
Please take my hand, and above everyone we'll soar
I swear I'll take you to a place you've never explored before
I look into your eyes, straight away you have me hypnotized
after seeing her, I didnt even need a zoot, she had me more ****ed than those illegal highs
Being in her presense was like my greatest prize,
I just wish I could get more closer.
But I'm scared shes something that I wont get over.

My aim is to find the key to her heart
Be able to unlock it and then give it a kick start
But I need to realize its gonna be way too hard
Theres a big chance of me getting terribly scarred
Im never gonna find a girl like her though
Why cant I force myselft to let go ?
Maybe I havent had enough of the love that she shows
For the things that she made me realize, my life i owe
and so, I want her to know, that she makes my tears glow
when im trying find my way
through the dark tunnel, where theres no light and no place to go
so I thank her deeply for the gift that she bestowed.

Enough of this **** having to be so complicated
And too much have I contemplated
getting sedated, doin my ting, months went by as I patiently waited
till she slowly stopped keeping me updated.
And it was unrated, the way that she vacated.
The horror of a broken heart that she recreated.
There was no way to have my feelings expressed.
I was way more than just depressed
I was distressed, dissapointed, and possibly possessed.
My heart wanted to go ona protest.
After that I understood lifes just a test,
and theres no rest, until you've fully completed your quest.
**** will start hitting you from north, east, south, west
And theres a limit on the amount of life vests
If your not carefull your mind and body will end up dispossesed.
Now you dont wanna be put to an eternal rest?


I wrote this for 8 hours without a break! My second ever song.

any suggestions or ideas people D: ?

Well, I like it. Mainly because I like your flow and your message. It ain't one of those empty "I'm gonna bang her then her then her" raps. I think it's a well crafted rap with meaning. My only criticisms are that 1. I just feel your lines drag on a bit (though I rap at 140bpm so I use short bars) and 2. I sometimes feel that your rhymes and flow could be that bit tighter. Apart from that, good rap man

Yea I agree with Jfam. The rap is nice and flows well :-) Just use more multis 2 make your rhymes more interesting