Another Hit at the Studio.

I'm a new rapper so welcome me to the game
I'm in this for the fame
As well as to spread my name
Pumping hip hop from an iv into my vain
So many ideas, thoughts flowing out my brain
I'm going in, kind of like a surgery
*****s try to steal my lines, you can call it burglary
My eyes are always red though, something like mercury
And I'm always writing bars just like a worker bee
I just hope, I find my way to the top
I always stay sky high hoping that I'll never drop
Flying with the airplanes, I inhaled the whole crop
And I'm going non-stop, just like a robot
Haters can't find me, so you can call me waldo
I'll empty out your head until your cranium is hollow
I like my ***** messy, so I eat it like a taco
I'm ahead of the game so your gonna have to follow
And if you got a problem, I'm a beat you like a Congo
I always speak the truth so that is how the song go
And I drop more points then my ***** Rajon Rondo
Skyrocket to the charts, all the way in the Apollo
I'm just getting started so please don't stop me
My vocab and bars is what lyrically defines me
Tomorrow broke its promise wit me, so ill be a liar too
You rappers say you cold, well then its you i bring the fire too
I don't see ya hating, cuz deep down i just inspire you
And i just spit that kinda heat that will make you retire soon
When I came into the game, they all said it was beginners luck
I knew what I was doing, so I just didn't give a ****
Elmer FUD flow, because I be hunting ducks
All I do is reach my goals, kind of like a hockey puck
I'm on a different level, so call it a different game
Kinda like a scary movie, or more like a house of pain
Just like Miley Cyrus, I'm a lion who lost is tame
Never have just one chick cuz that be pretty lame
Can't compare me to you, cuz we just ain't the same
I'm the one who spits this fire and the one who lights the flame
Now it's time to put this song to a close
I froze all them hoes hearts, the way the arctic wind blows
Just like every plant, all them rappers gonna decompose
and soon ill be hungry again, s *****es bring your hohos

bro are you trying to become a legit rapper? And did you actually do this song in the studio or did you just write some lyrics?

I am an upcoming rapper. I wrote this song and then recorded it with Protools.

where can I listen to it? And aren't you still in high school, how did you get to record a song?

It's quite simple really- just need special equipment, people sometimes post their music on MySpace, like owl city. He got famous for his songs..

that's my point, he said he was in a studio, but he's in high school, equipment costs a lot of money, I'm just wondering how he's doing all of this

Google the program "ProTools" and read about it. I record my songs off of that for now until one day I can actually afford studio time. Pro Tools is expensive and if you're wondering how I got it, my friend got it for me at half price and I was VERY fortunate.

wow, dude you're getting a good start, I'm trying to do something right now, but it's hard since I'm still in high school, but this summer I'm trying to do something, then I'm going to college to major in business and minor in music, I'm trying to start my own record label and be a rapper, but for right now I have no way of making a mixtape or any music, but I'll check that out thanks

Not bad, some alright line's in there & some seemed forced, you got similes galore, some of which could of easily been made into metaphors which would of made them come/hit harder to the reader, work on using multi rhyme's instead just rhyming the last word of every bar (Makes for better flow)

Not to shabby overall

Keep spittin

JD

I agree with JD, there are a lot of one rhyme lines, and you use like a lot and it got cluttered up at the part about scary movie and miley cyrus, but other than that it's good

I appreciate your opinions and will fix that up in a bit. Any bars you could recommend to me? Of course I'd give you credit.

I would also change the beginning when you say as well as because that doesn't sound right, say something like I'm in it for the fame so you better learn my name

I'll change that part, thanks!

Any more feedback before I fix this?

I agree w/ fresh prince on the 1st part no offense ^^,
Overall I think it's awesome and you should keep up the good work x)

I would not take offense because I'm the one who asked for feedback in the first place ^_^. I'm going to fix this up later and edit in the new prototype.

Haha :]
alright can't wait to read it xD

>S.L.S<

Will be posting an updated version of this tomorrow. Does anybody have any more feedback to give?