rap about clublife

A fun club song I wrote different from my usual stuff but maintained my usual storytelling style. Let me know what you think please

Verse 1:

As I walk in 2 a party, wiv the girls feelin naughty,
In a black leather jacket and jeans costing forty,
I see some guys on the side tryna act all cocky,
But jeans below their waist only make them look sloppy.
Poppin bottles gettin drunk nah sorry I only have coke,
Girls in the club like oo my who's that bloke?
Find out about me they like oohh my dais!
A cute guy like you and you aint never got laid
Asian chick on the dancefloor plannin to get smashed,
askin me for money cause she ran outta cash,
So I decide to help her out the best way I can,
Tell her I dont drink.. she just like damn!
Starts touchin me up cause she wanted some action,
But face full of foundation looked whiter than Michael Jackson
And she didnt seem my type so I said excuse me miss,
I'll be right back just need to go for a piss

Verse 2:

Girl going down low like she tryna tie a shoe lace,
I can tell what she want it clear like blu ray,
Checkin me out while im with my homies having fun,
Whats your sign girl? Im lookin for a no smoking one.
Comes over and tells me she loves my Mohican,
Asks me where you from you seem Puerto Rican,
Said she'll bring a mate along together we could Freak some,
But she musta got me wrong I never wanted a Threesome!
Another girl in the corner wearin a dress that was Lilac,
Not the type to beg attention and I really really Liked That,
Went over and started chattin she seemed like the one,
Suddenly my phone starts ringin oh **** its mum!
Said we’ve been worried sick and you aint even called Once
Come home right now! So I go whatever Bye now!
Turned around and I could tell that she was hardly impressed,
Asked for her number she said find me on facebook and left

Post here:

http://www.allthelyrics.com/forum/rap-lyrics-review/

O yeah thanks I posted it here by accident

No worries.