Rap about partylife

A fun party song I wrote different from my usual stuff but maintained my usual storytelling style. Let me know what you think please

Verse 1:

As I walk in 2 a party, wiv the girls feelin naughty,
In a black leather jacket and jeans costing forty,
I see some guys on the side tryna act all cocky,
But jeans below their waist only make them look sloppy.
Poppin bottles gettin drunk nah sorry I only have coke,
Girls in the club like oo my who's that bloke?
Find out about me they like oohh my dais!
A cute guy like you and you aint never got laid
Asian chick on the dancefloor plannin to get smashed,
askin me for money cause she ran outta cash,
So I decide to help her out the best way I can,
Tell her I dont drink.. she just like damn!
Starts touchin me up cause she wanted some action,
But face full of foundation looked whiter than Michael Jackson
And she didnt seem my type so I said excuse me miss,
I'll be right back just need to go for a piss

Verse 2:

Girl going down low like she tryna tie a shoe lace,
I can tell what she want it clear like blu ray,
Checkin me out while im with my homies having fun,
Whats your sign girl? Im lookin for a no smoking one.
Comes over and tells me she loves my Mohican,
Asks me where you from you seem Puerto Rican,
Said she'll bring a mate along together we could Freak some,
But she musta got me wrong I never wanted a Threesome!
Another girl in the corner wearin a dress that was Lilac,
Not the type to beg attention and I really really Liked That,
Went over and started chattin she seemed like the one,
Suddenly my phone starts ringin oh **** its mum!
Said we’ve been worried sick and you aint even called Once
Come home right now! So I go whatever Bye now!
Turned around and I could tell that she was hardly impressed,
Asked for her number she said find me on facebook and left

Nice story telling, quite funny at points actually. If I could criticise one small thing it is that I just don't feel that it flows quite right. Did you write it to a beat or is this just written cos I find that writing to a beat really helps your flow? Apart from that though, liking it

If it didn't look stupid to just copy/paste a comment, I'd copy/paste Jfam's comment and make it mine. That's like exactly what I thought !

I freestyled the first 4 lines to the beat of your a jerk (out of all songs lol). Went from there to see if I could come up with a full rap. I re-read it again and realised I lost the flow in places especially during the Michael Jackson part and towards the end of the second verse so working on that but thanks for the feedback :-)