New Song! i wrote it Today...take a look at it PLEASE!!

New Song! i wrote it Today...take a look at it PLEASE!!
What do you guys think??

I met this girl and never thought we'd be
she was a cool chick real hip and sweet,
we were friends thru friends and nothin more
good conversating, tellin her imma be on tour
relationship stressing, talkin about girl i wanna score
our chemestry is so good and we really got thorough
shes something speicial and she deserves the world,
shes in love and she got a man
i cant blame him cus damn im a fan
i know her likes and her favorite band,
now her and her man just broke on up
she trys to keep it cool but shes chokin up,
hiding her eyes behind designer shades
im just thinkin about the magic we ll make,
she didnt console in me but we learned to become bestfriends
and her heart is my mission and ill try to mend,
i can see that the pains still inside
i dont mind cus i always feel her vibe
shes crying, shes my bestfriend and ill be by her side

Chrous
I dont make bad decisions and i know ur right
you gonna be my girl and you swag so tight
when we're not together man it feels so wrong
idk how to express my love so i put it in song


i know ur getting over a heart break
but im a chance that you should take
me n you together is the perfect date
but time is all we have and all we ll take,
you were always someone special in my eyes
youre the kinda girl that dudes just come around like flies,
we go back and foruth, off and on
we have a bond here lets make it strong,
you llove me and you kno i love you
be my baby and i ll be you boo,
lets make it official and etch it in stone
me n you young but we re almost grown,
after that yes i was the happiest i ever been
you gonna get that text when i hit send,
all of a sudden months later and theres a different feel
im feelin like a burden but i cant tell,
now you stop calling me baby and stop grabbing my hand
its driving me crazy and you were my numba 1 fan,
idk what happen but i wish you tell me
i was ur captain and this feelin is scary,
i got a feelin im losing the girl of my dreams
i thought we had it all the greatest team
breaking records easily as we laxed and sing
1992 drem team kind of thing,
coming back home wearin that gold
looking at the pictures of us together but now thats old
rainy days, bad weather and feelin cold
now youre gone and im puttin my love on hold


Chrous
I dont make bad decisions and i know ur right
you gonna be my girl and you swag so tight
when we're not together man it feels so wrong
idk how to express my love so i put it in song


Me and you stood friends and i love that
we still hangout joke and laugh
being with ur 1st love is a crazy stat
but i wants us to yell to the world, "Yea we Back!"
idk what will happen in the future
maybe when we re older and more mature,
i wish i knew what a girl wants
imma think and listen to her favorite songs,
i hope for one more chance...its all i ask
not just a one time thing to tap that a**,
one more chance to show you me is all you need
and to show what we have a chance to be,
let me dip one more time in ur heart and find my treasure
first rain, then sun....crazzy a** weather
first comes pain, then comes pleasure
future hold the answer if we ll be together.

Chrous
I dont make bad decisions and i know ur right
you gonna be my girl and you swag so tight
when we're not together man it feels so wrong
idk how to express my love so i put it in song Edit Post Reply Reply With Quote Thanks

anyone? haha

Umm.. I thought the flow was off in patches but what I could definitely see was that you have some potential. You had some points of good rapping, particulary the first half of verse two I thought was good. What I say is just keep on rapping

yea thanks! i just wrote but imma still work with it...i like the substance but yea i need to work on my flow some
appreciate it!!!