My verse, any feedback helps

Thread: My verse, any feedback helps

Tags: hip hop, life, personal, rap, school
  1. DKonthamike said:

    Default My verse, any feedback helps

    Ever since the 4th grade it was clear to me
    That life isn’t always fair, and nothing comes for free
    And if it does come free, than it ain’t without a price
    One you pay for later on, ‘N never know you rolled the dice
    And there’s no real way to plan for this game called life
    Not Candyland, but wouldn’t it be nice?
    Just a kid with no siblings from a broken home
    And despite my parents efforts, still felt all alone
    In my room by myself with my toys I’d make believe
    Me and Luke Skywalker, escape reality
    But sometimes it just wasn’t enough to pretend
    Overhearing my parents argue, just never seemed to end
    And school sure as hell wasn’t any place I wanna be
    Since I was born with these ****en crosshairs stuck to me
    Just a big sign on my forehead that I seem to be bound
    “I’m socially awkward” it read, “are there any bullies around?”
    I remember the days I’d come home break down and just cry
    And there was nothing I could do, except pray that I’d die
    And whether or not I admit it, it affects who I am
    Like when I heard ‘bout VTech and didn’t give a damn
    Not proud to admit it, and I knew it was wrong
    But I know what it’s like to feel you never belong
    Damn, I know it’s insane
    But if you just could have been there, **** it
    Why even try an explain?
  2. swap said:

    Default

    sounds good, I like it all except where you say "Just a big sign on my forehead that I seem to be bound" It's unfinished to me. You're bound to what? I assume a terrible life. but It doesn't really make sense where it is placed in this verse.