Rap Song I Wrote called the truth. feedback

Hook
the truth will set you free is what they told me.
The truth is all I ever, speak nothing is phony.
I’m just sorting out the facts so flip the track if I’m boring.
If you don’t like my act then go back to your fictional stories.


V1
Listen I’m gonna give you critics what you’ve been missing.
A gifted lyricist striped and ridden of gimmicks.
Coming out strong and won’t give in this kids been eating his spinach.
Giving it all I could give it before this image was even emitted.
I was Writing my to do list while inside mommy’s uterus.
Knew I was Lucrative before I was pulled through blinding illuminates.
Striving to fight through it then poof and omen was born.
Putting the globe on hold for a few minutes transforming the one.
That was chosen for something either mental anguish or fame.
Or maybe to change the way this deranged world mangles our brains.
Trying to forsake the rain cause every thing’s cloudy all around me.
Allowing it to profoundly pound me and drown me over my boundaries.
It’s gotten me rowdy always felling like somebody’s clowning.
Who I’m proud to be feeling claustrophobic to lousy sleep.
Cause It’s crowding my dreams but it ain’t over yo I got to pull through.
Give you what you’ve been dew so keep listening while I deliver the truth.

Hook
The truth will set you free is what they told me.
The truth is all I ever speak nothing is phony.
I’m just sorting out the facts so flip the track if I’m boring.
If you don’t like my act then go back to your fictional stories.


V2
Speaking of truth what do you do when someone leaps out at you?
With his piece saying sweet shoes give them to me.
Do you move and weave and beat em till he’s cease to breath.
Or do you give up your adidas so he don’t leave you to bleed.
If you picked number two you’re smoother than the other foo.
Cause nothing you could ever possess is worth you in a bloody pool.
So it’s coming to this… is every bit true in what we say.
Or do we make up all of this deceitful s*** just to get paid.
I’ll leave ya to think while I continue the truth.
Cause I’m tired off hearing about kids bringing pistols to school.
Either for trades or to shoot a kid in his concerned face.
Where were the parents he shouldn’t of learned to hate in the first place.
Parents keep claiming their fate on first shooter games.
But we all know Absurd games isn’t the reason for their early graves.
All that’s left is a life in confinement either way you consider to move.
Shits getting to violent so pay attention while I deliver the truth.

Hook
The truth will set you free is what they told me.
The truth is all I ever speak nothing is phony.
I’m just sorting out the facts so flip the track if I’m boring.
If you don’t like my act then go back to your fictional stories.


V3
If you’re looking for a happy conclusion then pick a different song.
I wish this was all illusion but it isn’t yo s*** is wrong.
What’s going on in the world? Too much pollution and smog.
Caused by too many exhaust fumes bought to produce nuclear bombs.
Were loosing it all Thanks to the governments own form of punishments.
Sneaking behind us with chloroform smothering us cause we must forget.
What they’ve covered up so no one in the world can discover it.
Like trying to put together a secret puzzle but nothing wants to fit.
Cause of this we’re blinded to them killing us but only if your poor.
Is this why every rugged neighborhood has a f***ing liquor store?
On the corner with a gun shop next door in order to kill us more.
With **** we can’t afford then what is the f***ing point.
You can’t ignore the truth if your rich you’ll live long and prosper.
With yachts and fox furs but if your poor you die first.
In a silent world as time turns watching your life burn.
It’s a f***ing mind whirl but it’s the truth and you wonder why it hurts.


Cause the truth will set you free is what they told me.
The truth is all I ever speak nothing is phony.
I’m just sorting out the facts so flip the track if I’m boring.
If you don’t like my act then go back to your fictional stories.


Copyright 04/29/2011

Please tell me what you think. Thanks for your time.

I liked it. it's pretty goood.

Fxck the government ! In Belgium, it's been like 350 days that we have no friggin' government. The living proof that we don't need one. I agree with almost everything you say, good choice of words !

While reading it, I lost the flow from time to time, it's not consistent in my opinion. But hey, everyone has a different flow, so maybe you can make it flow anyway.

General conclusion : great lyric !

I know, others have said that as well. But when I spit it to a beat. it Flows pretty well. Thanks for your post.

anyone eles have any feed back?

bumped

Word! Yeah man, truth. Great content. Nice structure and movement through the theme.
A lot of your multis and internals are obviously dope, but to me it isn't always apparent how the delivery is timed to ride a beat so I'd be intrigued to hear that.

I hope to soon.

Once again, your words are smart and (painfully) on point. I'd like to hear this to understand your flow.

Some of your lines recall Thomas More's Utopia- "For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them. "

That's a good thing.