Give me some advice on these lyrics.

Ever seen someone so persistant, Trying to go the distance, /16
making rhymes And lines but no credit this instant./12
People doubtin but I be sproutin new commitment./13
To this rap game, not the same more diligent,/11
the top is where I aim, cause i'm killin it. /11
I'm A poetic terrorist dropping bombs, /11
breaking qualms like a psychological therapist. /13
Stayin calm, they're still not aware of this. /10
Let my lyrics take care of this while they draw conclusions, /14
think to judge, they won't budge, lost in the verse i'm inducing./14
I'm the nuclear physicist studying nuclear fusion,/15
rap's new year's resolution with an IQ above average, /15
I'm like a beast from the east, but a lot more savage./13
Similar to a beast that deals damage to the land./13
My intellect leaves you ravaged like a quake in Japan./14
More complex than a mathematical function /12
It's Destruction birthed from my word and voice junction, /13
the mic's moist, spittin any verse, my choice /10


It's just one verse so far.

pretty good so far I would add some word play multi it up a bit. and remove the numbers at the end.

not to say you can put your own twist on what i'm helping you with. it's all good.
tell me if you like this....


Example:

Ever seen someone so persistent, Trying to go the distance.
making rhymes And lines blowing you over no resistance.
People doubting but I be sprouting it from the clouds I promise you won't miss it.
A death sentence, disturbed N your life, you could say I’m down with the sickness.
No credit this instant To game, but i'm about to bank on it.
Cold hearted, more diligent than death I’m that ice burg, the titanic sank on it.
I'm A poetic suicide bomber terrorist with a heavy lead chest plate.
Set to detonate in half a second, I’m not human, No time move out the way!!

Ir1
This is just my opinion.
You may not like what I did to your rhyme and that's ok. nothing you say is going to hurt my feeling.
like I said it was just and example. I'm not to fond of people changing up my stuff. lol
so I'm just feeling it out. you feel me...

good job on the effort. always remember no matter what There is always room for improvment.


PS

Check my stuff out too. a favor for a favor. and copyright your stuff.
The last thing you want if for some no tellent wit brain to steal your work.

Be Easy Ir1

Peace....

The numbers on the end were a syllable count. But yeah I like your version too.

Thanks. I am only here to help man. I get the numbers now. Pretty clever.