New Song Dreamer Feed Back Please...

This was writen to a John Lennon song called Imagine....
Beat was created by me mixing his tracks with mine.
I'm still working on putting it togeather...


V1
Mark the rat Chapman, Ended John Lennon's mission.
Now Sk'ns on this track back to finish his vision.
sick of watching a minute tic toc off of the clock.
knowing with in that time slot, sixty people got shot.
Between the robing and shooting, the fighting and killing.
Drug dealers are usually the reason why we need this healing.
Good citizens are left tarnished, discarded as freaks,
with old garments. no water food or shoes on their feet,
a free example of life’s carnage.....
Our country just left them to Rot.
But you forgot the majority fraught for us in Vietnam.
Dodging bullet for us, so we can leave them to ****ing die.
We should be helping them not leaving them all drunk and deprived.
This drama constantly follows me, it obviously bothers me.
anytime I try to dodge it, something keeps on taunting me.
to unleash the problems in our society why me.
stuck in the middle of nightmare contently haunting dreams.


Bridge

I wish I had a big enough band aid to rehabilitate
the worlds fate. Stop all this hostility and hate.
hate is man made, and man will always make mistakes.
as the world rotates ,more problems accumulate. So I say
to the haters, stop what your doing and think.
religious hate and racism has ruined the human race.
For the sake of our children It has got to descend.
So quit Bickering over our differences and listen to Sk'n & Lennon...

Hook
1X
(John Lennon) You may say I’m a dreamer, (Sk'nDeep) Yo I'm just trying to follow it
(John Lennon)But I'm not the only one.... (Sk”nDeep) The rest just don't acknowledge it.
(John Lennon)I Hope some day you will join us. (Sk'nDeep) come along with us come on come on.
(John Lennon) And the world will be as one. (Sk'nDeep )Take a good look at what you've become.

V2
I see a world full of prejudice and cruelty.
brutal from mutiny, we need to reinstate unity.
stop thinking everybody is on duty trying to ruined you.
that **** ain’t true.. if any its ruined our community.
A society full of lies blinding our minds from the truth.
Any time I here of it it makes me sick it drives me to spew.
lyrics at high altitudes and reach out to the ruthless.
Alter there attitudes cause their influence is stupid.
It's useless.. why make the social order harder to endure?
why can't life be pure? why do we fight over words?
I don't see the purpose it's absurd it's all a blur.
I yearn to burn the first serpent that started this curse... It gets worse...
History tells us different versions in books.
Teaching children falsehood schooling, robing students like crooks.
every word is used as hooks to lure us and influence us.
I just look at our world and wish I could turn it in reverse.
That’s why....


Bridge

I wish I had a big enough band aid to rehabilitate
the worlds fate. Stop all this hostility and hate.
hate is man made, and man will always make mistakes.
as the world rotates ,more problems accumulate. So I say
to the haters, stop what your doing and think.
religious hate and racism has ruined the human race.
For the sake of our children It has got to descend.
So quit Bickering over our differences and listen to Sk'n & Lennon...


Hook
1X
(John Lennon) You may say I’m a dreamer, (Sk'nDeep) Yo I'm just trying to follow it
(John Lennon)But I'm not the only one.... (Sk”nDeep) The rest just don't acknowledge it.
(John Lennon)I Hope some day you will join us. (Sk'nDeep) come along with us come on come on.
(John Lennon) And the world will be as one. (Sk'nDeep )Take a good look at what you've become.


V3
Whats going on with us why do we feel that we must.
act up for dumb reasons. The act of treason among,
the ones we believe in are corrupted. changing colors
like chameleons. this ****ing cluster of cluster's like helium.
lifting me up out of my seat
to speak about these demons producing evil seedlings god please.....
save us from the sick minds in this demented world.
cause things ain't changed, still the same way since racism accrued.
the word deranged came from that day. The sound of clashing swords.
batting back and forth, fighting cultures over different lords.
many beliefs turned in to many wars ,over since less words,
so tell me why the **** do we listen for.
people are dieing don't you see the out come?
forget the Apocalypse, The worlds about done.
Everybody got a gun. and we won't stop popping em,
until we've aimed and shot the last one in vein of god's lost son.
That’s why...



Bridge

I wish I had a big enough band aid to rehabilitate
the worlds fate. Stop all this hostility and hate.
hate is man made, and man will always make mistakes.
as the world rotates ,more problems accumulate. So I say
to the haters, stop what your doing and think.
religious hate and racism has ruined the human race.
For the sake of our children It has got to descend.
So quit Bickering over our differences and listen to Sk'n & Lennon...



Hook
1X
(John Lennon) You may say I’m a dreamer, (Sk'nDeep) Yo I'm just trying to follow it
(John Lennon)But I'm not the only one.... (Sk”nDeep) The rest just don't acknowledge it.
(John Lennon)I Hope some day you will join us. (Sk'nDeep) come along with us come on come on.
(John Lennon) And the world will be as one. (Sk'nDeep )Take a good look at what you've become.


















I have just updated this. I changed a few things to make it work with the beat.

Copyright 06/03/2011
Thanks for your time....

First of all I love that Hook with Lennon. Man I would just love to hear that in song and voice. Talk about epic (Rihanna and Eminem) I can just imagine how great this could sound.

I might recommend just one thing, by example, this line ...

Good People are tarnished and discarded as freaks with old garments.

I think with English it's important sometimes to use an "action" verb instead of "is/are" and so forth, so I might go with something like this:

Good People get tarnished and sold off like freaks with old garments.

Just a few little tweaks like that, maybe a few other lines. I think this is great and it's got some really strong possibilities!

MOon, Great Idea, I will change it now.
Thanks for the heads up. And thanks for you powerfull insperation.

Naw man I'm just a rookie compared to you and a few others around here. Not to mention rap is defo the hardest kind of lyric to write, so I'll put a boomerang on that compliment (with most humble thanks) and send it right back at ya. Peace 'n love bro.

Does any one eles care to share any feed back?

Man that was nice as hell. I agree with moon's comment also. The flow, at least how i read it, reminds me of if like eminem and lupe had a child haha. Seriously though props my man. I just need to hear it, is my only problem, haaa. Good work

awesome one man .... do let us know when you'll be done with this track will love to hear how you do it...

I'm still working on it. it may not be the best quality of recording do to the pos equipment I own.
thanks again...You too tre_ fly

hmmm......... wish you'll get things you need for recording soon .... I guess you will get many likes for your songs specially for this one...

Thanks creese I am to please...

I wish I had a big enough band aid to rehabilitate the worlds fate.
Stop all this hostility and hate.
hate is man made, and man will always make mistakes.
as the world rotates ,more problems accumulate


Got to be my favourite line, the overall lyrics have a great flow and i would love to hear this

Well, u obviously don't need me to tell you it's great, it just shows. Again, props ! When you rap about serious stuff, I feel like u write better than when you diss someone. You put more thought into it I guess, and I love it.

Yeah I wasn't built for battle rap ...but I have been known to handle my own lol
this coming from you Molo is greatly appreciated thank you..

Originally Posted by Saybers Lyricals

I wish I had a big enough band aid to rehabilitate the worlds fate.
Stop all this hostility and hate.
hate is man made, and man will always make mistakes.
as the world rotates ,more problems accumulate

Got to be my favourite line, the overall lyrics have a great flow and i would love to hear this

So would I, I'm still working on getting it just right.. This is a hard rhyme to spit to with out a fumble here or there. I hope the beat I made with go with it. but like i said it's in the works as we speak...Thanks again

I am working on creating audio on this but it has been tough. I hope I can make this happen. The beat feels too slow and when I rap to it. I'm catching my self stretching my words too much. I will have this complete. soon. and when It is I will post it on you tube for all to hear..
I also changed a few words here and there. The update is posted..

I have changed it again.. The first Verse is not diffrent at the beging. and the bridge has been changed as well...I'm trying to get this to match the beat...
please read over and tell me what you think...

Bumped