New song ...Homicide... Feedback Please...

This is somthing I have been working on here and there...inbetween battles and posts....
You Feed back is needed.
Thank you for your time....



V1
Sk'n Deep, under the dermis he peeks.
never to judge, this is just what he believes.
he won't budge, he's cemented his feet.
covered in blood, flipped inside out by the sleeves.
it's clean on the other side of the shirt.
a freak of nature, he fiends to eat the disease.
chemotherapy of the cancer that gets in between.
the damage is done the worlds heart ceases to beat.
deceased, weakened by the racist beliefs.
what a loss life is just tossed in the heap.
with a roll of the dice you either survive or die on the street.
He wish he could stop crime with a speech.
with a rhyme, but it's up to the criminal minds,
the hatred the blinds the eyes, buried under lime so it don't stink.
Hiding the evidence with bleach wash off in the sink.
It evident with a black light can see what it leaves!

Hook X1
it's a homicide...
We are just killing each other.
twisting the knife staring deep into the dieing eyes of your brother.
it's a homicide...
Sure were different colors.
but its amazing what truth our DNA could uncover.
it's a homicide...
when is it our time to go there ain't no way to really know.
so smell the formaldehyde from our souls.
that have died rotting from the inside out through our clothes.
it's a homicide....

V2
Murder has a motive killers Roam the streets soulless.
looking for another victim until another records broken.
in numbers to great to imaging how many time did they stab them.
25 times in the chest and abdomen.
families grow cold preying for the prison warden to zap them.
pedophiles find innocent kids playing and snatch them.
And Some parents blame it on them from an unfortunate accident.
they panic and try to find a quit place to stash them.
then go on the news and say somebody kidnapped them.
involving search parties for years on TV shedding tears.
acting sad from the guilt knowing what actually happened.
it's a sick world there ain’t no cure from our actions.
like a magnet to evil we are drawn to it like main attractions.
even our country we are so proud of spit the atoms.
causing mass destruction retaliating back at them.
who cares if the innocent were trapped in in back then.

Hook X1
it's a homicide....
We are just killing each other.
twisting the knife staring deep into the dieing eyes of your brother.
it's a homicide...
Sure were different colors.
but its amazing what truth our DNA could uncover.
it's a homicide...
when is it our time to go there ain't no way to really know.
so smell the formaldehyde from our souls.
that have died rotting from the inside out through our clothes.
it's a homicide....

V3
It happens every day in the books page by page.
In the food we consume to the meds we take.
From over the counter To the crystal meth we make.
got to love this Country God bless the U.S.A.
pharmaceutical companies to the tobacco and alcohol industries.
when there’s natural remedies aren’t created from chemistry.
it's sickens me because we all victims of mystery.
A bare witness to the the industry snakes sinking in they're venom.
selling bubble gum cigarettes to children and it's a apparent,
that our parents didn't have a clue or even know what hit them.
they can't quit them They flick them and we pick them up.
take a puff from a but. Then discover latter we're stuck spending $50 bucks?
each weak killing ourselves, watching our loved ones die.
And we about have to stab someone when we want to try to kick the habit.
No lie it's a fatal attraction like swallowing ball barrings,
and standing in between two massive elector magnets.

Hook X1
it's a homicide....
We are just killing each other.
twisting the knife staring deep into the dieing eyes of your brother.
it's a homicide...
Sure were different colors.
but its amazing what truth our DNA could uncover.
it's a homicide...
when is it our time to go there ain't no way to really know.
so smell the formaldehyde from our souls.
that have died rotting from the inside out through our clothes.
it's a homicide....

Copyright 06/14/2011

Yo, this definitely needs for feedback. It has great structure and is very well worded, Skin.

Thanks bro...I work a while on in like everything eles...I try to be perfect. but that is hard to do most of the time..
Thanks for you feed back..Dawg.

this is great, I always wanted to write song about something like this but always ended up short on words.

This is just awesome man.

Thanks Failedson. I spend alot of time on my lyrics, It's great to see my time wasn't wasted. You are all awsome. Thanks you for everything...

Sk'nDeep your lyrics have brought me a whole new appreciation for rap. You and a guy I work with who's actually recorded 3 albums that he put together ... really great stuff! Hes a better rapper than 80% of what I hear on the radio! He hasn't been able to hit the right groove yet on getting them published, but he still holds hope. There oughta be an easier way for people with real talent to break into the industry.

Sure wish I could hear some of your tunes, but like several of you said in another thread recently, it's not good to "share" too much over the Internet coz who knows when you might hear one of yours on the radio with someone else's voice...

Thanks moon I always love seeing your posts...
Oh by the way...I just made a beat for new memeber named creese..It's on you tube..The problum is my equipment man...I wish I had a nice studio but the fact of the matter is...I am piss poor. no job as of now.My lady carries the burden. I'm lucky I have a POS computer and internet service...lol. All I need is a computer mic. My stuff may not sound the best quality but If you want to here the beat I made from litterly nothing, it is located here...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqeCNCh3xtI

ooops I put the wrong the unfinished beat on you tube.The one creese has is allot better. Damn it to hell.lol I will put that one on there as well and post a new link..

I see you Skin get all them good compliments!

I'm sorry man... I love the attention though... lol I am working on audio for this..I fixed my mic...

bumped